Humor Additions for August 1st 2005

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An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars. Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door.

"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?

"Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . "

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and the new baby came home from hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left the house, little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the smacking of his life when they got back home. Johhny told his dad he understood, and wouldn't say anything wrong.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johhny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Why, yes," the mother replied. "We are so thankful. The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"Hey, that's great," said Johnny. "It'd be terrible if he needed glasses."

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Deep in the back woods a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night ...

... and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there?' another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . . "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

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