Murphy's Laws For Law
- The speed at which you respond to a
fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a
- Tear gas works on cops too, and
regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your
- High speed chases will always proceed
from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy
- If you know someone who tortures
animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he
works for Internal Affairs.
- Placing a gun back in a shoulder
holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk
with a limp.
- If you have 'cleared' all the rooms and
met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked
in the door of the wrong house.
- If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he
will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he
- Domestic arguments will always migrate
from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area
with many available weapons (kitchen).
- If you have just punched out a
handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become
a star on 'Eyewitness News'.
- When a civilian sees a blue light
approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into
the lane the cop needs to use.
- If you drive your patrol car to the
geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some
dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.
- You can never drive slow enough to
please the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can never
drive fast enough to please the ones who do.
- On any call, there will always be more
'bad guys' than there are good guys, and the farther away your
back-up, the more there will be.
- The longer you've been a cop, the
shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.
- Whatever you are about to do, if there
is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't
- You should never do a shotgun search of
a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer".
- If a large group of drunk bikers is
"holed-up" in a house, the Department will send one officer in a
beat car. If there is one biker "holed-up" in a house, they will
send the entire S.W.A.T. Team.
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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Two cadets at Colorado's Air
Force academy were bragging in their off time ...
... about what good hunters they
were. Well, it
seems that they decided to have a contest, and whoever won the
contest would be accounted the better hunter. To make the things
a little more interesting, they each put up a pint of the best
whiskey they could find.
There had been rumors that a lion had
escaped the local zoo and was roaming around loose in the
dessert that surrounded the academy. The contest was that
whoever bagged the lion and brought it back to base was the
The first cadet borrowed a large hunting
rifle and set about hunting down the lion in the conventional
manner. The second cadet, who was perhaps a bit more inventive
than his counterpart, secured a training jet from the local
commander, loaded the wing guns with live ammunition and headed
out over the dessert in search of the lion. It wasn't long
before he spotted it, and, from the safety of the plane, killed
it. He took the plane down, loaded the lion's body into the
copilot's seat, and headed back to base, where he promptly
downed both bottles.
Which just goes to show that a strafed
lion is the shortest distance between two pints.
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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forces himself to open his eyes ...
and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room
and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the
rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left
early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough
there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3
A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the
hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is
everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you
to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you
said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
- A self-induced hangover - $100.00
- Broken furniture - $200.00
- Breakfast - $10.00
- Saying the right thing - priceless
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