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This is a real test given by the Human Relations Department.

At many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 simple questions, so ... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers.

  1. When do you feel your best?
    1. in the morning
    2. during the afternoon & and early evening
    3. late at night
  2. You usually walk
    1. fairly fast, with long steps
    2. fairly fast, with little steps
    3. less fast head up, looking the world in the face
    4. less fast, head down
    5. very slowly
  3. When talking to people you
    1. stand with your arms folded
    2. have your hands clasped
    3. have one or both your hands on your hips
    4. touch or push the person to whom you are talking
    5. play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair
  4. 4. When relaxing, you sit with
    1. your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
    2. your legs crossed
    3. your legs stretched out or straight
    4. one leg curled under you
  5. 5. When something really amuses you, you react with
    1. a big, appreciative laugh
    2. a laugh, but not a loud one
    3. a quiet chuckle
    4. a sheepish smile
  6. 6. When you go to a party or social gathering
    1. make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
    2. make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
    3. make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
  7. 7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted; do you ...
    1. welcome the break
    2. feel extremely irritated
    3. vary between these two extremes
  8. 8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
    1. Red or orange
    2. black
    3. yellow or light blue
    4. green
    5. dark blue or purple
    6. white
    7. brown or gray
  9. 9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie
    1. stretched out on your back
    2. stretched out face down on your stomach
    3. on your side, slightly curled
    4. with your head on one arm
    5. with your head under the covers
  10. You often dream that you are
    1. falling
    2. fighting or struggling
    3. searching for something or somebody
    4. flying or floating
    5. you usually have dreamless sleep
    6. your dreams are always pleasant
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 ( c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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During the week long rescue effort, divers reported hearing tapping in the form of Morse code coming from survivors inside the damaged sub.

The rescuers couldn't understand why a group of men would spend the last of their strength tapping out "Windows sucks" in Morse code.  The tapes of the last moments of the Kursk may offer some insight into this.  It turns out that the submarine crew was trying to load Microsoft Windows on their fire control computer. Their intent was to replace the aging CP/M operating system with the flashier Windows OS. Apparently, the Russians didn't know about the legendary stability problems exhibited by Windows. The log tapes make this painfully obvious:

Captain: Is new fire control Windows OS installed yet, Comrade?
Seaman: Almost Sir. Just need to finish filling out registration card.
Captain: Excellent. Soon is being able to point and click our enemies into oblivion. [evil laughter in background]
Seaman: Comrade Captain! Is booting! Look, it says "Preparing to run Windows for first time". [long pause]
Seaman: Arrgh! Sir, is wanting me to reboot again. That makes 27th time.
Captain: Hmmm. Is not encouraging. Go ahead and reboot again.
Seaman: Aye, aye Sir. [another long pause] Seaman: Captain, is up again. Is saying it found new hardware ... A CD-ROM drive and that is needing drivers.
Captain: Where are drivers?
Seaman: On CD-ROM.
Captain: You are joking, right?
Seaman: No Sir.
Captain: Reboot damn thing again. I am starting not to liking this Windows. [another long pause]
Seaman: Sir! Is back! Is saying it found the Gorby2000 Torpedo and is looking for device drivers. Do we have driver disk?
Captain: I do not think so.
Seaman: I will tell it to use default drivers. [another long pause]
Seaman: Is wanting to reboot again.
Captain: How many times are we going to reboot today? Is taking forever. Our hull is rusting out before this works. [another long pause]
Seaman: Sir! Is up and this time is not asking for anything!
Captain: Really? No device drivers? No registration cards? No user profiles?
Seaman: No Sir. I think is ready.
Captain: Good work comrade. Now is clicking on the fire control icon and letting us see how this works.
Seaman: Is clicking now, Sir. [another long pause] [another long pause]
Captain: Why does fire control screen have dancing paper clip on it?
Seaman: I have no idea, Sir.
Captain: Hmmm, is trying clicking on menu.
Seaman: Aye Sir. Is saying: Open E-mail, Spam a friend, Mail a Virus, Fire a Torpedo.
Captain: Is spamming friend later. Is firing torpedo now.
Seaman: Aye Sir. [another long pause]
Seaman: Is asking us to load torpedo and to click when ready.
Captain: Torpedo room, load torpedo in tube number 1!
[intercom:] This is Torpedo room. Torpedo is loaded, Sir. Captain: Click on continue button.
Seaman: Aye Sir. [another long pause]
Seaman: Is asking for target, Sir.
Captain: Hmmm, is targeting Rainbow Warrior.
Seaman: Aye Sir. Damn! Is saying torpedo is low on ink.
Captain: Click ignore. We will get some ink when we return to base.
Seaman: Aye Sir. We are ready to fire.
Captain: Very good. You may fire when ready comrade.
Seaman: Is firing torpedo, Sir. [another really long pause]
Captain: Well? Seaman: Am trying Sir. Nothing is happening. Wait minute.... [a loud explosion is heard in the background followed by screaming on intercom]
Captain: WTF was that?!?!?
Seaman: Captain! New screen has appeared! "Outlook Express Fire Control has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. "Click 'OK' to continue."
Seaman: Oh my God! Paper clip has died! What should I do?
Captain: Is shutting it down! Is shutting it down!
Seaman: Is not responding Sir!
Captain: Try 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE'!
Seaman: Aye Sir. We are in luck! Task manager is still operating. I am instructing task manager to shut down Outlook Fire Control. [another long pause]
Seaman: Task manager is saying that Outlook Fire Control is not responding.
Captain: Tell it to 'end task.'
Seaman: Is happening nothing, Sir.
Captain: Is trying 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE' again.
Seaman: Aye Sir. [sounds of frantic pecking on keyboard.]
Seaman: Oooh! Is pretty blue screen!
Captain: Not Blue Screen of Dea.... [KABLAM! A really big explosion. More screaming and the sound of rushing water.]

Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md. 

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