Humor Additions for Monday, December 30

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A highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died.

Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself.  "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far, and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want, to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind; I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that, St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives whom she had worked with, and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.

They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven," he said. So she spent the

next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down, back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.

She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today, you're STAFF.

Submitted by Patty, Ringos, NJ

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A Woman's Perfect Breakfast
  • She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
  • Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
  • Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
  • Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
  • And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Submitted By Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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It was just a Christmas Angel, that my Mom put on our tree.

She bought it at a five and dime, when I was only three. Each year we'd trim our Christmas tree, with lights and ornaments. Then Mom would always tell me, what the Angel represents.

The Angels came to tell the shepherds, of the Christ Child's birth. And, Angels are still here with us, to guide us here on earth. The Angel on our Christmas tree, was made in such a way. That if the light inside burned out, you just threw it away.

The light burned out when I was twelve, the Angel would not shine. But, Mom would not throw it away, she said it looked just fine. She loved that little Angel, that she put upon our tree. She said it didn't need a light, for anyone to see.

Then I grew up, and I moved out to start my family. And, I'd go home at Christmas time, to help her trim her tree. My wife and children went with me, to mom's house every year. The house was filled with love and joy, as we shared Christmas cheer.

The kids would always say to her, "The Angel is burned out." Then, she would smile and tell them, what the Angel's all about. She told another reason, for it's specialty. Your daddy picked that Angel out, when he was only three.

My mother passed away this year, early in the spring. And then I had the painful task, of going through her things. The beautiful old house she owned, was left me in her will. We moved back in the summertime, we feel her in it still.

Early in December, we brought out our Christmas tree. I went up to the attic, just to see what I could see. I saw a cardboard box, with markings, "Ornaments and stuff." And in it was the little Angel, that she loved so much.

I brought the cardboard box downstairs, and showed the family. Then they persuaded me to put the Angel on our tree. We trimmed the tree that weekend, and we talked of Christmas past. Then when the tree was finally done, the Angel went on last.

Every night till Christmas, all the lights were burning bright. Except the little Angel, that had long burned out her light. Then on Christmas morning, I arose before the rest. I had to have my coffee, to be at my very best.

I walked into the living room, my coffee cup in hand. Then what I saw, so puzzled me, I could not understand. I just stood in silence, as, my eyes filled up with tears. The little angel was all aglow, that had been dark for many years.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Dec 27th Humor Page