Humor Additions for Wednesday, April 10

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Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit more clear . . .

IN PRISON: you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK: you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: you get three meals a day. 
AT WORK: you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON: you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: you get your own toilet.
AT WORK: you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON: all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. 
AT WORK: you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: they are called managers.

***** So why is it again that we work? *****

Submitted by Stan, Fairfield, Pa.

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A witness to an automobile accident was testifying in court. 

The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

Submitted by Vicki, Kennett Square, PA

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The Center of the Bible

Even if you are not religious, you should read this. It is very interesting.

  • What is the shortest chapter in the Bible? Answer - Psalms 117
  • What is the longest chapter in the Bible? Answer - Psalms 119
  • Which chapter is in the center of the Bible? Answer - Psalms 118
  • Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
  • Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
  • Add these numbers up and you get 1188
  • What is the center verse in the Bible? Answer - Psalms 118:8 
  • Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?

The next time someone says they would like to find God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word!

  • Psalms 118:8 (NKJV) "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man." 

Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?

Submitted by Wink, The Bronx, NY.

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