'Twas the night before
Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except me and my spouse
The stockings were empty, no
presents were wrapped
We were way behind schedule and our resources tapped
The children were nestled all
snug in the beds,
While the horrors of assembling danced in our heads
Dad armed with a screwdriver,
ready and poised
To build a red trike for one of our boys.
When off in the hall there
arose a strange noise
We dove over boxes to hide all the toys
The thud, it turned out, was
our dumb puppy Paul
Who was chasing the cat and ran into the wall
Back to his task, Dad cursed at
I suspect he was lost, but he'd never confess
He wrestled with parts and
fumbled with tools
Emailed the manufacturer and called them all fools
After hours of struggle, the
bike finally took shape,
With a few cuts and bruises and the aid of duct tape
He stood back and gaped at the
bike he just built
It weaved and it wobbled and rolled with a tilt.
His frustration grew; his voice
shook as he spoke
"The directions are Greek, it's all a sick joke."
At this point he snapped, his
He'll do something stupid; this was my big fear.
He grabbed each toy's
instructions, oh why won't he learn,
Tossed them into the fire, chanting "burn baby burn"
"Burn Disney, burn Huffy,
to blazes with you
Burn Fisher Price, Playskool and Hasbro, too"
As smoke filled the room, this
was his first clue
That in a moment of haste, he had neglected the flue
To the top of the mantle, to
the top of the wall
A black cloud developed and ash settled on all
Soot landed on stockings and
covered the tree
And gave a look of charcoal to all we could see
The firemen came, dressed in
yellow, like sun
Seems the neighbors saw smoke and dialed 9-1-1
Out came the axe, out came the
Out came a Dalmatian who trampled my roses.
"There's no trouble
here," I swore up and down
Realizing this faux pas would soon be 'round town
"My husband's a good
man," I tried to explain
"The instructions weren't clear. It drove him insane"
The fire chief nodded and
gathered his crew
Hopped onto their truck and away they all flew
But I heard them converse as
they drove out of sight
"Her husband's the third jerk who's done that