A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

They married sisters and have lived in the same block, and visited the same bar together all this time. Pat becomes ill, and is taken to the hospital, where he is visited by Mike. who upon entering the room remarks how good Pat looks. Pat is having none of that and tells Mike that he is sure that he, Pat is dying and will not last much longer.

Pat then asks if Mike he will do one last thing for him when he "is dead and gone" Mike agrees.

Pat sys, "when I'm gone and buried, and the priest has had his say, will you take a wee shot of Dugans Dew, which we've drunk together since coming over from the old country, and pore it over me grave stone so I can quench me thurst in me trials and tribulations.

Mike, taken back. gives his friend a long, loving look and says; "Pat t'is the least I can do as close as we've been, but I've just one question.

Pat, with a weakening voice; "Oh, I knew there would be one!"

Mike; "do you mind if I pass it through me kidneys first?"

... the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption.