Are you worried about
your teenager? Do you feel as though you have
lost him? Does she seem lazy, rude, or careless?
Is he always in some kind of trouble or does he
come in late without calling? Would you like
that kid back that used to live there? It might
be time to take a look at what your teen has in
her life that makes her feel good about herself
and what you, as a parent, are doing to help
those feelings grow. Those good things are
called developmental assets, things that are in
place to help her succeed. The experts have come
up with a list of 40 developmental assets.
Number one is family support. As a matter of
fact, family support is necessary for the next
39 assets as well.
Parents have a tough
job. You need to make sure that all is well at
home, at school, in the neighborhood, in
religious and social activities and even inside
the teen's mind. How does my teen feel about
himself? How does she treat others? What is
important to him? What does she expect out of
life? No wonder you're exhausted. Here are some
things you can do fairly quickly that will
ensure family support, which will then help more
of the developmental assets fall into place.
Make a list of the
values that are most important to you. Hint: If
you don't know them, your teen doesn't either.
Share your list with your teen and let her know
that from now on, any behavior that does not go
along with those values will be punished. The
punishment will be something that fixes the
broken value and it should be something that she
has to do. For instance, if something gets
broken, it needs to be replaced, if he hurts
someone he needs to apologize and do something
nice.
This will give him a
clear picture of what is expected and what to
expect. As with adults, if we know the rules we
feel more able to do things right. If we feel
able to do things right, we are more confident.
Confident people expect to succeed and are
willing to help and care for others along the
way. People on this path attract others like
themselves and together make an honest effort
toward improving the world around them.
Model your values for
your teen. If you want him to get involved, you
get involved. If you want her to be kind, show
her kindness. Put the list of family values on
the refrigerator. Tell your teenager about a
time when you had to make a tough choice
involving one of your family values. This lets
him know that it is not always easy to do the
right thing but that you still feel good about
your choice to this day. It also helps you show
him you care without nagging, shaming or
blaming.
Think of a need in your
community and volunteer to help provide a
solution. If you love to paint, sing, garden,
dance, act, do these things and model doing
creative things that make you happy even if they
are far from perfect. The joy you show in doing
what you love will be a picture worth a thousand
words. Share your family history with your teen
and embrace your family traditions. At this
unpredictable time in her life, traditions
provide some stability.
Let her catch you doing
something silly and whenever you can and most
important of all, catch your teen doing
something well and tell him about it!
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