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Four Years at the Mount

Junior Year

I Donít Wanna Grow Up

Samantha Strub
MSM Class of 2013

(Jan, 2012) Kids are never happy with their age. They always think something else out there is better. They think that the next year they will be able to do more, have a different teacher, and get one year closer to the things that they want to do. If only kindergartners knew that they would miss nap time!

Iím no exception to this rule; I was always wishing that I could do more. I was never satisfied with what I had. I was always looking ahead to what was going to come next. At first, I couldnít wait to go to high school, drive, own a horse, go to college, and then, once I was in college, to graduate and get a teaching job. I enjoyed the important and simple moments along the way, but in a sense I was always looking for that moment that would really take my breath away. I wanted to prove every doubter of my abilities wrong by driving out East by myself, owning a horse, and getting good grades. I wanted to make everyone proud, and growing up was the way that I could do that. I knew that by being independent I would gain the respect that I desired by showing everyone that I could do everything that they thought I couldnít do.

Believing that, I drove forward every chance I got. I moved ahead, enjoying the moments but always looking toward the future, waiting for what was next. I always worked hard in my classes knowing my grades would be important for college but still enjoyed the sports I was involved inóhorse-back-riding and field hockey. Along with enjoying all the other important events of high school, like winning the Varsity State Championship in field hockey, the dances, and all the silly memories that make high school worthwhile.

Now, though, my perspective has changed a little bit. Iím ready to slam on the breaks! Just slow down so I donít lose control. This happened as the education majors sat their listening to the multitude of information, projects, and portfolios that we have to do in regards to our internship next semester. In the internship we are in actual classrooms part time and then begin full time observing and teaching. This way we are able to get guidance and experience firsthand in our field. It is very exciting to think that Iím going to be practically a full-time teacher beginning in January, but it is also rather intimidating. At the start of the information sessions, you are overwhelmed and donít know how you are going to come out ahead. Your mind becomes obsessed with things that you cannot control, and you just have to try to breathe in order to drag yourself out of it. My theory is that professors overwhelm you at the beginning so you later realize that all your assignments and portfolios are not that bad in reality. Somehow you accept that youíll be able to accomplish everything that lies before you.

Iím very excited to be starting my internship and getting experience in teaching. However, there is a certain part of me that is screaming to slip away to Neverland and never grow upóto somehow run away from all the stresses of life and live with a carefree, childlike attitude. As Peter Pan and the Lost Boys teach us in Peter Pan, they have a carefree attitude toward life as they in the perfect world where they never have to grow up and can play in carefree innocence forever. As children are playing and fighting nap time, they do not realize that when they are older that will be all they will want to do: just lie down or play and let everything float away for a little while.

Too bad Neverland does not exist, right? Some days you want to embrace the innocence of children. They live with no worries and are good examples of innocence and welcoming the world with open arms, such as a baby coming home for the first time or a toddler waiting for his daddy to come home. They take everything as it comes. Adults and students alike are always worrying about what comes next, instead of enjoying the moment. They are concerned that everything could go wrong instead of just enjoying the moment while still following through with their responsibilities. Adults should learn to know what they have to do and they get it done so they can go off and relax.

This message of taking time to relax and enjoy your passions is a wonderful lesson with which to begin the New Year. During a time when everything is changing you take the time to step away from all of the hustle and bustle. Instead of just wishing that all of your responsibilities would disappear and you would never have to grow up, you can take some time to discover your inner child and then come back to reality. You relax and enjoy the activity that you are passionate about, but then you come back, buckle down and do what you have to do, whether that means you go for a run, exercise, play a sport, watch TV, listen to music, or read a book. You take some time for yourself to relax and breath, always remembering to come back to your responsibilities, whether that is going to work, going to meetings, studying for a test, writing a paper, doing your homework, writing lesson plans, grading papers, and so on. Having this attitude towards life is very freeing, knowing that you do not always have to be responsible at all times.

You can take some time for yourself. That is the best way to get through the situations that make you nervous as well as new experiences, knowing that if you do your job well you will be rewarded for it. That kind of attitude is what I need to bring to my internship, working hard to get the job done, but also not getting so involved with the whole overwhelming experience that I lose who I am. Take it one day at a time and life will fall into place.

You know it has to get done, but you have to remember that you deserve to take a childís carefree attitude toward life as your own every once in awhile. This makes lifeís responsibilities less daunting. Now close your eyes and come out of Neverlandís captivating spellÖ

Read past editions of Samantha Strub's Four Years at the Mount