The languages of love

Morgan Rooney
MSMU Class of 2020

(1/2019) On many occasions I have read and heard about the different ways people receive love. I don’t know the exact details or the science behind any of this information, and I tend to be a bit skeptical when I read things online, but I found that it ran true with me and most people whom I know well enough to understand what makes them feel loved.

When wanting to show somebody love, whether that be a close friend, sibling, parent, or significant other, it’s important to try and figure out what would make them feel the most loved and most appreciative. When you spend enough time with someone, it’s becomes apparent which they fall into.

One way the people tend to receive love is through "Words of Affirmation." Receiving compliments now and again boosts everyone’s mood, but it’s not limited to telling someone that they look nice. There is something much deeper to it. These people like to hear what’s appreciated about them. This could be a thank you gift or a letter. Whatever makes this person feel appreciated.

Over time, I began to notice that this is how my mom feels love. She likes to know that she’s appreciated, and that time and thought was put into her because we care about her. I learned this several years ago when it was her birthday. There was something specific that she wanted from a store. This wasn’t an expensive object or anything. It was just something we had discussed recently, and I had decided that it would make a good gift considering that I was making under minimum wage as a high school student. There was not a store nearby where I could have bought this gift, so I told my mom that I had to stay after school for an orchestra rehearsal and then drove an hour in rush hour traffic to buy the gift. When she opened it and told her how far I had gone to buy it, she was so happy because she could see how much of an effort I went through to show her that she was appreciated. I try to keep this in mind every time I am searching for gift for my mom.

An "Act of Service" would be another way. People like this appreciate when people go out of their way to do something for them. This could be running an errand, washing your car, or doing your dishes for you. There are endless examples of things to do to appease someone who best receives love through acts of services. Though it may be a bit more effort, it’s rewarding to know that your loved one feels loved.

The third way, is through receiving gifts. This does not necessarily make this person materialistic or revolve around the monetary value. It’s about knowing that someone went out of their way to get something for them, because they thought of them. The more personalized the gift, the better. Knowing that someone spent time and money to get you something that you would appreciate is more than enough to make this person feel loved.

Through the years, I’ve noticed that my sister has a more excellent response to gifts than many. Some people feel guilty when someone else buys them a gift but whenever Christmas comes around and I need to shop for a gift for my sister, I tend to go for multiple, smaller gifts. It’s not necessarily about value. She feels loved when she knows that I went to several different places and thought of her when I saw something. When Christmas is coming close, I always keep one of my eyes out for small gifts to give her.

The next way would be through the spending of quality time. This is definitely where I would fall. Whether we are sitting up late at night, laughing and having deep conversations, or spending the day exploring someplace new, knowing that I’m worth someone’s time and that someone else enjoys my presence makes me feel better than any gift or praise I could receive. Having the knowledge that multiple people want to spend time with me, especially if they reach out to me themselves makes me feel like out of anything they could be doing with their time, they’d rather be spending it doing something with me.

The best "gifts" that I’ve received were not the physical objects (although they were much appreciated, of course). The ones that I will remember forever are the experiences that I had. One example is when it was my birthday and my friends bought us both tickets to a concert. We went to the concert, had a great time, and I will never forget it.

The last of these love languages is physical touch. This doesn’t mean that it’s a romantic sort of touch, although it could be. People who best experience love from physical touch appreciate hugs or holding their significant other’s hand.

I have close friend who always hugs me when we say hello or goodbye and if we don’t hug, she seems to be disappointed. I was confused by this at first because I didn’t understand how a hug could be so important as I’ve never been one to hug a lot of people. Now it’s something I never forget to do and even something I’ve adopted with other people whom I appreciate.

Overall, I think when you want someone to feel loved, you must think about them and their own unique way of feeling appreciated, whether you should plan a day with them, fill up their car with gas, or just give them a hug. Love is something personal and should be thought through as it is not uniform with everyone. Giving one person a hug can have a completely different impact on another. Although most people appreciate all of these different signs of love, knowing that what you’ve done for someone made them feel particularly warm and appreciated is very rewarding.

Read other articles by Morgan Rooney