Humor Additions for Wednesday, July 23rd


    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List 

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway ...
  • Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • Get the last word in: Apologize.
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
  • In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Submitted by Tom, Willow Pond Farms, Fairfield, Pa.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Humorous Sayings, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Somewhere in the deep south Bubba called an attorney and asked ...

..., "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, that's true." answered the lawyer.

"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries--is that true, mister lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba, but why do you ask?"

'Cause I was thinkin'--maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been dating ..."

Return to: Top of Page, List of Redneck Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,


An old snake goes to see his Doctor ...

... "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days."

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, Groaner Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,


The Ramifications of Military Cutbacks

 


July 18th Humor Page