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A Stock Market
Dictionary for the past year investor
- Momentum Investing - The
fine art of buying high and selling low.
- Value Investing - The art of
buying low and selling lower.
- Broker - Poorer than you
were in 1999.
- P/E ratio - The percentage
of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps
crashing.
- Standard & Poor - Your
life in a nut shell.
- Stock Analyst - Idiot who
just downgraded your stock.
- Bull Market - A random
market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a
financial genius.
- Bear Market - A 6 to 18
month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets
no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
- Stock split - When your
ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between
themselves.
- Financial Planner - A guy
who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11
for toilet paper and cigarettes.
- Market Correction - The day
after you buy stocks.
- Cash Flow - The movement
your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
- Call Option - Something
people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before
e-mail.
- Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.
- Yahoo - What you yell after
selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.
- Windows 2000 - What you jump
out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per
share.
- Institutional Investor -
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Submitted by Susan,
Phila., Pa.
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about work, My
Little Sister's Jokes,
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The perfect breakfast.......
you're sitting at the table -
- Your son is on the cover of the box
of Wheaties...
- your mistress is on the cover of
playboy...
- and your wife is on the back of the
milk carton!
Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
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In a recent Harris On-line
poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's
ultimate fantasy.
97.8% of the respondents said that a
woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent
sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that
in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
Submitted by Wendy, Emmitsburg, MD.
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Hank finally found
the nerve to tell his fiancée that he had to break off their
engagement. . .
. . . so that he could marry
another woman. "Can she cook like I can?" the
distraught woman asked.
"Not on her best
day." Hank replied.
"Can she buy you expensive
gifts like I do?" she asked.
"No, she's broke."
"Well then, is it
sex?"
"Nope,... nobody does it
like you, babe."
"Then what is it?? What
can she do for you that I can't?"
"She can sue me for child
support!"
Submitted by Jamie, Crofton,
Md.
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Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little
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Q. What was
Clinton's biggest mistake after breaking off his affair with
Monica?
A. Not asking Ted Kennedy to
drive her home.
Submitted by Andy,
Gettysburg, Pa.
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