Humor Selections for June 22nd, 2011

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A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him.

He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiancé, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he'll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, 'OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?'

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, 'The one in the middle.'

The young man is astounded. 'How in the world did you figure it out?'

'Easy,' she says. 'I don't like her.'

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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10 Signs Your Vet Bill Is Going To Require Financing
  • The doc's thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.
  • The bill came with payment coupons.
  • Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.
  • "He has a very rare blood type. It's called '$$ Positive.'"
  • He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.
  • They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.
  • The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.
  • You suddenly realize where you've heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.
  • "Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?"

and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:

  • "We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster...."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments...

... with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" 

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered, "Thou shall not kill!"

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Deep Thoughts About Pigs and Sheep
  • Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
  • Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
  • If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?
  • If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?
  • If you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear what can you make with it?
  • If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
  • What do pigs say when they don't want to do something? Would it be 'Yea when humans fly'?
  • What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
  • Why can't pigs look up into the sky?
  • Why do pigs have curly tails?
  • Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?
  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
  • Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?
  • Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it?
  • Would a small pig be called a hamlet?
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering...

..., and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

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An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky. 

One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him. "Can't you do something?" she demanded angrily. 

"I'm sorry ma'am," the reverend said gently, "I'm in sales, not management."

Submitted by Pastor Jon, Emmitsburg, Md.

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I'm not jumping in! - Download Video

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Interesting bit of LoGo trivia...

I was not aware of these things...guess I'll have to start watching logo's more carefully.

If you look at the center of this logo, you can see two people enjoying a Tostito chip with a bowl of salsa. This logo conveys an idea of people connecting with each other.

Formula 1

At first, this logo might not make much sense. But if you look closely, you'll see the number 1 in the negative space between the F and the red stripes. I also love how this logo communicates a feeling of speed.

Milwaukee Brewers

The Milwaukee Brewers is a professional baseball team from Milwaukee ,Wisconsin (well, duh.). Their logo is actually made up of the letters M (on top) and B (below the m). These two letters also form a baseball glove.

Northwest Airlines

This simple looking logo actually carries a lot of information. First of all you can see the letters N and W, the first two letters of the brand name. But what most people don't see is the compass that points to the Northwest, another reference to the brand name.


This logo doesn't seem to hide much at first sight, but it gives you a little insight in the philosophy behind the brand. First of all, the yellow swoosh looks like a smile: Amazon wants to have the best customer satisfaction. The swoosh also connects the letters a and z, meaning that this store has everything from a to z.


Toblerone is a chocolate-company from Bern , Switzerland . Bern is sometimes called 'The City OfBears'. They have incorporated this idea in the Toblerone logo, because if you look closely, you'll see the silhouette of a bear.

Baskin Robins

The old logo of Baskin Robbins had the number 31 with an arc above it. The new logo took this idea to the next level. The pink parts of the BR still form the number 31, a reference to the 31 flavors.

Sony Vaio

Sony Vaio is a well known brand of laptops. But did you know that the name Vaio logo also had a hidden meaning? Well, the first two letters represent the basic analogue signal. The last two letters look like a 1 and 0, representing the digital signal.

Do you see any arrows on FedEx's logo? I saw it a few times at other site saying that there's an arrow hidden in the FedEx arrow, but I couldn't find it. I now know where it is, it's your turn to find. The clue is that the arrow is located in between the alphabet E and X, and the arrow is white, acting as a background.

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.

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June 17th Humor Page