Humor Selections for Feb 23rd, 2011

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee...

...when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front.

After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.

"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."

Submitted  by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.

It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.

The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night...

...when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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Things to Remember During a War
  • The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
  • Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
  • Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
  • No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
  • No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
  • Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
  • Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.
  • Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
  • You are not Tom Cruise.
  • SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
  • If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
  • If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
  • Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
  • Smart bombs have bad days too.
  • The best defense is to stay out of range.
  • If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'

'Yes,' the professor answered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'

'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'

'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor answered.

'I am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.'

Submitted by Pastor Jon, Emmitsburg, Md.

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Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny...

...although measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance about 35 feet from the earth's surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs - the tallest ones, anyway.

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Excellent Surfing video - Download Video

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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As the dog was saying...

Submitted by Cathy, Storrington, England

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Feb 21st Humor Page