When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a consulting firm to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed!

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.  Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant ... That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the end of our "you know what", we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"Hhmmm...After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked

"Well," he whispered,

"I don't know about the others... but I use the spoon."

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it there."

Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him.

Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up: he's got a couple of broken bones and the cuts and scratches have become deep gashes. His whole body is bruised, and he is barely conscious.

Luckily, Joe finally catches him this time and says, "What the hell happened? Was the cord too long?"

. . . when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawnmower.

"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I'm just trying to make enough money to buy a bicycle," said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

The boy said, "You got a deal."

The preacher took the mower and tried to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower.

The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."

The little boy said, "That's 'cause you have to cuss at it to get it started."

The preacher said, "I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't know if I even remember how to cuss."

The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that string. It'll come back to ya!"