Humor Selections for March 22nd, 2010


     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


 
A farmer finally decided to buy a TV.

The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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Real Signs and Advertisements
  • Signs In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
  • In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
  • In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
  • On a Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
  • From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."
  • On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
  • On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant...

..., he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.

Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.

"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.

"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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Interesting Facts
  • 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie. (Wait, what about Sleeping Beauty, which also has both parents surviving in the film?)
  • 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
  • The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.
  • Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex.
  • Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.
  • A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob. A group of whales is called a pod. A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament.
  • Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known as quarks for a random line in James Joyce, "Three quarks for Muster Mark!"
  • The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the bed frame. A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep.
  • "Three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.
  • Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the wreck.
  • In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
  • Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
  • Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. (I don't want to know how they found this out LadyHawke)
  • The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and break off...Thus the saying.
  • Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
  • The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."

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A bear was walking across Rainbow Bridge (Old Hwy 40) at Donner Summit..

.., on Saturday when two cars also crossing the bridge scared the bear into jumping over the edge of the bridge. Somehow the bear caught the ledge (see unbelievable photo, above) and pulled itself to safety. Authorities decided that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so they returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on the ledge.

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There is a moral to this story you know.

This old bear made a wrong move and found he was hanging by his nails. Somehow he was able to pull himself up onto the ledge where he saw he was in a very bad, impossible situation and what did he do?

Yep, he took a nap and sure enough the situation took care of itself while he was asleep.

The moral is that when confronted with a bad situation sometimes the best solution is take a nap.

So next time you see someone asleep at work, they could be just problem solving!!

Submitted by Cathy, Stonington, England.
 

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March 17th Humor Page