Humor Selections for Jan 15th, 2010

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

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If College Students Wrote the Bible
  • The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
  • The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.
  • A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
  • Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
  • Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's E-mail to
  • The reason Cain killed Abel; they were room mates.
  • Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40 years; they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

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Ever Wonder Why ...
  • Stores  make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  • People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
  • Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
  • We leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
  • The sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
  • Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
  • Lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
  • A man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • The time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • There isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?
  • Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • They sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • Sheep shrink when it rains?
  • If flying is so safe,  they call the airport the terminal?
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time.

It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.

For years, he refused... told me I was crazy.

But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

He just looked at me and said, "I, stand corrected."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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What You May Not Know 'Bout Noah....
  • Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? Noah was sitting on the deck
  • What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? "Now I herd everything"
  • Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? They kept saying neigh
  • What animal could Noah not trust? The cheetah
  • What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Flood lights
  • Who was the first canning factory run by? Noah - he had a boat full of preserved pairs
  • Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? No, he came forth out of the ark...

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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10 Signs Your Vet Bill Is Going To Require Financing
  • The doc's thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.
  • The bill came with payment coupons.
  • Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.
  • "He has a very rare blood type. It's called '$$ Positive.'"
  • He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.
  • They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.
  • The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.
  • You suddenly realize where you've heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.
  • "Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?"

and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:

  • "We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster...."

Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill

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What a split second looks like - Download Slide Show

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.

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Rednecks again...

Redneck Yard Swing

Redneck Cellar

Redneck Thanksgiving

Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.

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Jan 11th Humor Page