|
|
|
| |
| A small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand in a trial ...
- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie,
you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real
disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
The 10 Best Caddy Replies
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
Best Caddy Comment Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
Submitted by Brian, Emmitsburg, Md.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Sports Jokes, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
The things babies say...
-
"Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard."
-
My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."
-
Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"
-
As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering."
-
Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"
-
When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F!"
-
While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."
-
My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?"
-
Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, " I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."
-
His mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son -- me!"
- When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what? They are not only twins, they're brothers!"
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Cute Kids
Sayings, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
|
| No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved
back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally ."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, "We’ve got to
give it back." Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No". Andy said, "She’s lying. She hid it up
in the attic. Sally said, "Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile"
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning." Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...." The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We’re outta
here!"
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Jokes
About Aging, My Little
Sister's Jokes
,
|
|
| Construction Of The Empire State Building - Download Slide Show Submitted by Ray,
King of Prussia, Pa.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
 Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.
|
|
Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
August 13th Humor Page |
|