Humor Selections for April 9th, 2010

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

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Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest...

... and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked,

"You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"

"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?"

"Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Tips with English Grammer
  • Don't abbrev.
  • Check to see if you any words out.
  • Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
  • About sentence fragments.
  • When dangling, don't use participles.
  • Don't use no double negatives.
  • Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
  • Just between You and i, case is important.
  • Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
  • Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
  • Its important to use apostrophe's right.
  • It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.
  • Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.
  • Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should.
  • begin with a capital and end with a period
  • Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
  • In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
  • Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.
  • Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  • Avoid unnecessary redundancy.
  • A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
  • Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.
  • A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with.
  • Avoid cliches like the plague.

Submitted by Sam, Emmitsburg, Md.

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A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort...

..., he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.

After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.

The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female bird says to the male,

"Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."


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Terms you should know
  • Traffic light: Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
  • Divorce: Postgraduate in school of love.
  • Pioneer: Early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
  • People: Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
  • Swimming pool: A mob of people with water in it.
  • Self-control: The ability to eat only one peanut.
  • Salesman: Man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.
  • Cannibal: Person who likes to see other people stewed.
  • Egocentric: A person who believes he is everything you know you are.
  • Foreign film: Any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.
  • Optimist: Girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
  • Magazine: Bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
  • College: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
  • Emergency numbers: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
  • Opera: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
  • Buffet: A French word that means "get up and get it yourself."
  • Baby-sitter: A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
  • Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Mouse and trap - Download Video

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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See Through Tires  - Radical New Tire Design by Michelin

Yes, those are 'spoke' like connections to the inner part of the tire from the outside tread 'wrap!' The next picture shows how odd it looks in motion...

These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon. The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these. Just think of the impact on existing technology:

  • no more air valves...
  • no more air compressors at gas stations...
  • no more repair kits...
  • no more flats...

Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY

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