• Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
• Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
• Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
• Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
• Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
• Variation Law - If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
• Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
• Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
• Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
• Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
• Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
• The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
• Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
• Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
• Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
• Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
• Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
• Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians. " Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians! " for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

• Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
• If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
• Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the empty gun is thrown at him?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
• After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

• When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
• Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
• Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
• When smoking a fish, never inhale.
• A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
• While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
• Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
• You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.