Bubba & Betty sue had lived
together in the backwoods for over fifty years.
To celebrate their fiftieth
anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a
plush hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for
such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the
"Don't 'But madam' me," she
continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just
because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big
city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain
to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this
isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
Submitted by Al, Seattle, Wa.
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Redneck Jokes, My Little
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries
a farmer. One morning...
... before he goes out to the fields, the
farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man is coming to
impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the
two-by-four above the cow's stall. You show him where it is,
So the farmer leaves for the fields, and a
while later, the artificial insemination man arrives. Amy takes
him down the long row of cows until she sees the nail, and tells
him, "This is the one. This one right here!"
Terribly impressed, the man asks, "How did
you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"By the nail over its stall," Amy
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she
tells him as she walks away.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things
"Really bad," said
the second bee. "The weather has been cold, wet, and damp, and
there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey."
"No problem," said the first bee. "Just
fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all
the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds
of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."
"Thanks for the tip," said the second bee,
and flew away.
A few hours later the two bees ran into
each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"
"Great!" said the second bee. "It was
everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and,
oh, such huge floral arrangements on every table."
"Uh, what's that thing on your head?"
asked the first bee.
"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee.
"I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
Can you guess which of the
following are true and which are false?
- Apples, not caffeine, are more
efficient at waking you up in the morning.
- Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly
- A pack-a-day smoker will lose
approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
- People do not get sick from cold
weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
- When you sneeze, all bodily functions
stop, even your heart!
- Only 7 per cent of the population are
- Forty people are sent to the hospital
for dog bites every minute.
- Babies are born without kneecaps. They
don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
- The average person over 50 will have
spent 5 years waiting in lines.
- The toothbrush was invented in 1498
- The average housefly lives for one
- 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets
- A coat hanger is 44 inches long when
- The average computer user blinks 7
times a minute.
- Your feet are bigger in the afternoon
than any other time of day.
- Most of us have eaten a spider in our
- The REAL reason ostriches stick their
head in the sand is to search for water.
- The only two animals that can see
behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and
- John Travolta turned down the starring
roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
- Michael Jackson owns the rights to the
South Carolina State anthem.
- In most television commercials
advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner
is used in place of the milk.
- Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER
travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
- The first Harley Davidson motorcycle
built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
- Most hospitals make money by selling
the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used
in vein transplant surgery.
- Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess
Diana. They were 7th cousins.
- If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola,
it would be green.
Ready to see how many you got correct?
They are all true. . . . Now go back and think about #16
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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of Interesting Facts, My Little
One day while at the track betting on the ponies Mitch nearly
losing his shirt ...
... he noticed a priest who
stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the
horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse a
very long shot - won the race. Mitch was most interested to see
what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step
out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a
blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for the window and
placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though it was another long
shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch
collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the
priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest
showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won!
Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the
priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in
first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last
race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made
a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew his savings and awaited the
priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped
out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead,
eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
Mitch bet every cent, and watched the
horse come in dead last.
Mitch was dumbfounded. He made his way to
the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What
happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The
last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my
savings too, thanks to you!!
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's
the problem with Protestants, you can't tell the difference
between a simple blessing and the Last Rites.
Submitted by Pat, Blue Mt Lake, Va.
Quick Fixes take 1
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, PA.
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