Humor Selections for Nov 18th 2009

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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As a crowded airliner is about to takeoff, the peace is suddenly shattered...

... by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.

No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of a U.S. Navy Chief begins to make his way up the aisle. Stopping the frustrated mother's upraised hand,

the white haired, courtly, soft-spoken Chief leans down and, motioning toward his collar, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the Chief slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

"Excuse me, Chief", she asks quietly, "could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The Chief smiled serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my anchors, service stripes, and battle ribbons, and then explained to him that they entitled me to throw one passenger out of the plane."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector', says the Coroner.

'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'

The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?'

'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.

'He thought he was having his picture taken'.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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In Praise of Humour
  • Humour makes the mind go round.
  • A joke a day keeps the therapist at bay.
  • Laughing with your enemy makes for peace.
  • Laughing at your enemy makes for war.
  • Start off each day with a laugh.
  • The devil doesnít do humour.
  • You can always teach an old dog a new joke.
  • Humour makes time happy.
  • Never laugh at anotherís misfortunes. They may return the disfavour.
  • A false laugh betrays a false soul.
  • Lovers love a laugh.
  • The big picture is best framed by good humour.
  • Beware the person who does not smile. They would have you as unhappy as themselves.
  • Believing you are superior means you do not know what makes the other person laugh.
  • Thereís many a laugh twixt the lip and the quip.
  • Everyone is 99.9% identical. Laugh gloriously about that instead of killing over the 0.1%
Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia.

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A true story out of San Francisco...

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Squirrel Feeder - Download Video

Submitted by Mary Jo, Emmitsburg, Md.

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Amazing sight in the South Pacific

The yacht 'Maiken' was traveling in the south Pacific when the crew came across a weird sight. It was sand in the water, and the sand was floating ON TOP of the waves... Look at the photos and try to imagine the feeling, the thrill of experiencing this phenomenon close-up.

The trail is left by the yacht through the sand, and then this was spotted - just behind them: ash and steam rising from the ocean. And, while they were watching, A plume of black ash, A brand new island was formed.

Quite awesome! Can you imagine the thrill of being the first & only people to see this new island being created where there was nothing before?

Then, can you imagine thinking -- "Goodness me, if we had been a few minutes later, I might have gone up in that explosion of black volcanic ash when the eruption occurred"  -- What a thought!

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