Humor Selections for March 13th, 2009

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at:

An airliner was having engine trouble...

... and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, List of Lawyer Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Dear President Obama,

Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know, the ones down the street who, in the good times, refinanced their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV"s, a pool, a big screen TV, two Wave Runners and a Harley. I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

P.S. They also need help with their credit cards; when do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S. I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md

Return to: Top of Page, List of Political Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Trivia - Take 7
  • Many hamsters blink one eye at a time.
  • Whitby, Ontario has more donut stores per capita than any other place in the world.
  • Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "e."
  • Bulls are color blind.
  • A can of Spam is opened every four seconds.
  • "Babe" was played by over 48 pigs.
  • Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
  • The Poison Arrow frog has enough poison to kill 2,200 people.
  • The largest cabbage on record weighed 144 pounds.
  • Kidney stones come in any color­from yellow to brown.
  • The McDonalds at the SkyDome in Toronto, Ontario is the only one in the world that sells hot dogs.
  • The first episode of "Leave it to Beaver" aired on October 4, 1957.
  • The first flushing toilet seen on TV was on Leave it to Beaver. (However, only the tank was shown, not the bowl.)
  • Jerry Seinfeld's apartment number (on the show) is 5A. In the old episodes it was 3A.
  • The shortest commercial ever was only four frames of a second.
  • Pi has been calculated to 2,260,321,363 digits. The billionth digit in Pi is 9.
  • Babies are born without kneecaps. They appear when the child is 2-6 years of age.
  • An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.
  • A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
  • A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
  • A group of owls is called a parliament.
  • A group of ravens is called a murder.
  • Twelve or more cows is called a "flink."
  • The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.
  • A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
  • Alfred Hitchcock had no belly button for it was eliminated during surgery.
  • The average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime.
  • A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
  • Cranberry Jell-0 is the only kind that contains real fruit.
  • The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
  • Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
  • The pound sign (#) is called an octothorpe.
  • Maine is the toothpick capital of the world.
  • Emus can't walk backwards.
  • New Jersey has a spoon museum with over 5,400 spoons from almost all the states.
  • There was once a town in West Virginia called "6."
  • Singapore only has one train station.
  • Napoleon made his battle plans in a sandbox.
  • The green stuff on the occasional freak potato chip is chlorophyll.
  • If you ate too many carrots you would turn orange.
  • The force of one billion people jumping at the same time is equal to 500 tons of TNT.
  • Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.
  • The only President to win a Pulitzer Prize was John Kennedy for "Profiles in Courage."
  • The world's youngest parents were eight and nine and lived in China in 1910.
  • The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."
  • "Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio.
  • The airplane Buddy Holly died in was a Beech Bonanza.
  • When opossums are "playing 'possum," they are not playing. They actually pass out from sheer terror.
  • The main library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
  • Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them would burn their houses down­hence the expression "to get fired."
  • Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th. The last signature wasn't added until five years later.
  • The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are useable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
  • In every episode of "Seinfeld" there is a Superman somewhere.
  • The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
  • No NFL team that plays its home games in a domed stadium ever won a Superbowl­until the St. Louis Rams in 2000.
  • The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, List of Interesting Facts, My Little Sister's Jokes,

A computer programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.

Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, Computer Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Why On-Line Colleges are Booming
  • One could attend in the nude and not get sniggered at.
  • Psychopath or beauty queen—they all look the same to the instructor.
  • Nobody knows if you cheat.
  • No football or basketball games to go to.
  • No running between classes on a frigid December morning.
  • No mandatory PE classes to satisfy so sadistic state statute.
  • Anything that happens in your house stays in your house.
  • Every girl that emails you looks like Julia Roberts, every male looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.
  • Your instructor could look like "Our Miss Brooks" or "Mr. Chips".
  • Your wife could help you with the tests.
  • You could be a valedictorian without leaving your bedroom.
  • Nobody has ever heard of your school, but that’s all right, nobody has time to check it anyway.
  • Your school used to be in the Big Ten. Now it is in the Big Ten to the power three.
  • This sort of thing is spreading in the lower grades. Now it’s called "home schooling."
  • You do realize that half of your school’s enrollment are socio-misfits, or just too lazy to attend a real school campus.
  • The school president’s name is Al Gore. He’s there running the place because nobody outside of academia would believe him anyway.
  • You also pay your tuition via email. Notice how fast the prices go up, just like the real schools.
  • The head of the Psychology department is named Schickelgruber.
  • The music department course consists of a download of MP3 music from pygmy tribes in Chad.
  • The only team allowed is chess. You do not have to bulk up for it.

Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill.

Return to: Top of Page, Groaner Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Aussie Guide Dog - Download Video

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!

Return to: Top of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Submitted by Jim, Gettysburg, PA.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

March 11th Humor Page