Humor Selections for Jan 21st, 2009

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The Devil tells a salesman, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous...

..., and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived."

"Well," says the salesman, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the salesman says cautiously, "What's the catch?"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.

On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.

When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.

They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest Church. But, only the Janitor was there.

One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then He said, "You are now baptized!

When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said,

"We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you." "

We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."

"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?!"

They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians.

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

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A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question,

What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.

"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."

"And have you found an answer?"

"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."

"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"

"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
  • CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
  • PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
  • ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
  • SCSI: System Can't See It
  • MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
  • DOS: Defunct Operating System
  • WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
  • OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
  • PnP: Plug and Pray
  • APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
  • IBM: I Blame Microsoft
  • DEC: Do Expect Cuts
  • MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
  • CA: Constant Acquisitions
  • COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
  • LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
  • MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
  • AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
  • WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

Submitted by Ray, King of Prussia, Pa.

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Next time a tele-marketer call you - Download Video

Submitted by Jim, Gettysburg, PA.

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Corporate Logos--After the Crisis - Take 2







Submitted by Jim, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Jan 19th Humor Page