Humor Selections for Feb 13th, 2009

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Trivia is anything but. (Trivial, that is.) It can be amusing, baffling and enlightening.
  • Sneezing may be a symptom of pregnancy. Expectant mothers often sneeze for no apparent reason.
  • Snoop Dogg's real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr.
  • The typical pine cone is female.
  • The first World Wide Web search engine was called Wandex.
  • According to a recent study, 87% of women use scissors as their first throw when playing "Rock, Scissors, Paper."
  • "Anhedonia" is an inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable experiences.
  • Ancient Greeks believed wearing amethysts would help keep a person from becoming drunk.
  • The original Scrabble game didn't have a board. It was played with tiles only.
  • Alfred Hitchcock had a morbid fear of eggs (ovaphobia).
  • The risk of having an auto accident is about four times higher for drivers using cell phones (whether handheld or hands-free).
  • The U.S. has the highest dog population in the world. France has the second highest.
  • In a typical restaurant, customers get 27 cents worth of food for each dollar they spend.
  • In casinos, $50 bills are known as "frogs" and are considered by many to be bad luck.
  • During the ice age, there were six-foot tall "mammoth penguins."
  • Bubbles in champagne were seen by early wine makers as a highly undesirable defect, one that should be prevented.
  • "Typhlobasia" is the practice of closing one's eyes when kissing.
  • Just less than one quarter of the people in the world are vegetarians.
  • William Howard Taft was the first golfer to become President.
  • It is tradition in countries such as Venezuela and Peru to wear yellow underwear on New Year's Day for good luck throughout the coming year.
Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!

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Marriage and Men
  • When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.
  • Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home
  • A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face
  • Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.
  • An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.
  • Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.
  • Getting married is one mistake every man should make.
  • A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.
  • Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.
  • The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet.

and lastly...

  • Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married!
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Top Ten Signs You've Eaten Too Much
  • Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
  • Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
  • You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
  • Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
  • You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
  • World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"
  • CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
  • Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
  • Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
  • You're sweating' gravy.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized...

... as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."

"You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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World's Greatest Trick - Download Video

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

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2009 animal funnies - Take 2



Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY

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Feb 9th Humor Page