Humor Selections for Dec 4th, 2009

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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A manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly, jovial man.

But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him--his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it.

One day he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!"

Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Christian One Liners
  • Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited Until you try to sit in their pews.
  • Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisers.
  • It is easier to preach ten sermons Than it is to live one.
  • The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, But mosquitoes come close.
  • People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church.
  • Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever.
  • Quit griping about your church; If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
  • If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
  • I don't know why some people change churches; What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.

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The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session...

... when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

Submitted by John, Emmitsburg, Md.

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A young woman was preparing a ham dinner.

After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her," Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?

"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."  She replied.

Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."

A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"

Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Wisdom, from Seniors...
  • The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
  • The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
  • Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!
  • I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day!
  • I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

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The Mom ... A must listen too! - Download Video

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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The Tiger Woods Family Christmas Portrait ... an so it begins!

Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill

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Nov 30th Humor Page