Humor Selections for April 10th, 2009

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at:

An economics professor at Texas Tech University, Lubbock, TX...

... said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. The majority of that class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged, everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too, so they studied little. The second Test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else. All failed to their great surprise and the professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder to succeed the greater the reward but when a government takes all the reward away, no one will try or succeed.

-- the problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money. Margaret Thatcher

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Political Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Trivia - Take 10
  • Charles Dickens was an insomniac. He believed he had the best chance of getting some sleep if he positioned himself exactly in the middle of the bed which must at all times be pointed in a northerly direction.
  • The actor Stewart Granger, changed his name because didn't like his real name. James Stewart.
  • William Butler Yeats wrote his most important poems between the age of 50 and 75.
  • If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
  • A scorpion could survive for three weeks if it was embedded in a block of ice.
  • After his sight improved, Thomas Edison still preferred using Braille to more normal reading.
  • Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone, also set a world water-speed record of over 70 miles an hour at the age of 72.
  • The last London smog occurred in 1962.
  • A fog belt 50 ft. deep over an area of 104 square miles contains no more moisture that single bucket of water.
  • As early as 246 B.C., con men were at work "aging" manuscripts and selling them to book collectors as antiques.
  • Copies of the Bible and the Koran small enough to fit in a walnut shell have been written by hand.
  • Sidewinder snakes move in their peculiar fashion to avoid putting too much of their body area on the hot desert sand.
  • Two mouths full of cowbane, a member of the carrot family, is enough to kill you.
  • In the eighteenth century, many women went to the trouble of having their gums pierced so they could use hooks to secure their false teeth.
  • In 1973, two blind Peruvian soccer teams played a match using a ball filled with dried peas.
  • During World War II, Americans had the idea of fitting bats with miniature bombs that would then be dropped as they flew over the enemy.
  • The scorpion fish can merge the shape of its head with the surrounding rocks.
  • The early Greeks experimented with the direction of their writing, going from right to left and left to right alternately, before adopting what is now the standard Western practice.
  • The plant life contained in the oceans of the world makes up 85 percent of all our greenery.
  • William the Conqueror was so strong he could jump onto his horse wearing full armor.
  • The Indian atlas-moth has a 12-inch wing span.
  • There is more pigment in brown eyes than in blue eyes.
  • Allan Pinkerton, founder of the famous detective agency, died in 1884 when he stumbled, bit his own tongue, and was killed by the resulting gangrene.
  • Sri Lanka is the second largest tea-producer in the world.
  • Marie Curie, the Nobel Prize-winning scientist who discovered radium, died as a result of over-exposure to radioactivity.
  • Crocodiles can see underwater because they have a semi-transparent third eyelid that slides into place when necessary.
  • In 1972, a Swedish man balanced on one foot for over five hours, using nothing for support.
  • People used to wear shoes on either foot.
  • A giraffe's blood pressure is at least twice that of a healthy man.
  • Tens of thousands of Ugandans reported that they had seen and heard a talking tortoise in 1978.
  • King Camp Gillette invented the first disposable safety razor. Two years after he first patented his invention, he had only sold 168 blades. By the following year, sales jumped to an incredible 12.4 million blades.
  • A thick glass is more likely to crack if hot water is poured onto it than a thin one.
  • The popular card game bridge was invented in Turkey.
  • It was the accepted practice in babylon 4,000 years ago that for amonth after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon."
  • Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice.
  • In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes­when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "good night, sleep tight!" came from.
  • The term "the whole nine yards" came from WW II fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the gourd, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole nine yards."
  • Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
  • Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
  • Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
  • In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
  • The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
  • Buzz Aldrin was the second man to set foot on the Moon. Moon was also his mother's maiden name.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Interesting Facts, My Little Sister's Jokes,

New Millennium Office Terminology
  • Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
  • Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.
  • Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
  • UmFriend: A personal relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um ... friend."
  • Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)
  • Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
  • Yuppie Food Stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after lunch, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
  • 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him; He's 404, man

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes about Work, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Two advertising executives were having lunch and talking.

The young exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Ben Harris been hanging out? I haven't seen him for a while."

The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."

"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"

"Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec. "A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, Groaner Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Can anything else go wrong? - Download Video

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little Sister's Jokes,




Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

 April 8th Humor Page