Humor Selections for October 31st, 2008

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at:

Halloween one liners ..
  • What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets!
  • How do you know if a ghost is lying? You can see right through him!
  • Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break!
  • How can you tell when windows are scared? They get shudders!
  • How do you picture yourself flying on a broom? By witchful thinking!
  • What is a mummy's favorite music? WRAP!
  • Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up!
  • Who does a goblin go out with on Halloween? His ghoul friend!
  • How do you mend a broken Jack-o'lantern? With a pumpkin patch!
  • What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o'lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!
  • What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed!
  • Why did the vampire need mouthwash? He had bat breath!
  • Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin!
  • What haunts your house and clucks? A poultry-gheist!
  • Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts!
  • How do ghosts begin letters? "Tomb it may concern..."
  • Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to "The Other Side"!
  • What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!

Return to: Top of Page, Seasonal Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Make sure you know the lingo this Halloween ...
  • Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.
  • Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.
  • Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.
  • Full Moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.
  • Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars you got for Halloween.
  • Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."
  • Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.
  • Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.
  • Mummy: The person who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.
  • Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.
  • Skeleton: Any supermodel.
  • Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.
  • Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."
  • Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.

Return to: Top of Page, Seasonal Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm.

As the night went by no cars passed him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop..

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, and one said to the other. "Look Bubba, that's the jerk who climbed into the car while we were pushing."

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, Seasonal Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

How to tell if of you're too old to Trick-or-Treat
  • You get winded from knocking on the door.
  • You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
  • You ask for high fiber candy only.
  • When someone drops a candy bar in your bag you lose your balance and fall over.
  • People say, 'Great Keith Richards Mask!' and you're not wearing a mask.
  • When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or ... and can't remember the rest.
  • By the end of the night, you have a bag of restraining orders.
  • You have to carefully chose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
  • You're the only Power Ranger in the Neighborhood with a walker.
  • You avoid going to the houses where your ex-wives live.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, Seasonal Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

What Halloween is good for:
  • All of the stale hard candies that you lost under the fridge last year can be given out this year.
  • You have another use for the Goodwill clothing that you are going to pitch anyway.
  • You get to see how ridiculous your grown-up neighbors can look once a year.
  • You can put Ex-lax in Hershey wrappers like you did last year.
  • When having the kids bobbing for apples, line the bottom of the pot of water with a mirror--that'll scare the pants off of them.
  • In fact, put the large portrait of your old Uncle Herby in the window. They won't come back next year for sure!
  • Instead of candy, give them all notes containing the phone number of your worst enemy and tell them, "call him to win a prize!"
  • Put thin trip wires about six feet from your front door.
  • If you want to keep the candy you bought for yourself, make sure you mix them with flaming hot sourballs. the word will get around fast!
  • Stand at the door and yell, "Vaccinations here!"
Submitted by Bruce, Carol Stream, Illinois

Return to: Top of Page, Seasonal Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Girl on Bike - You can hear her hit the pole! ... Download Video

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Halloween Pumpkins - Take 1

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.

Why Pets Hate Halloween







Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa. 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Oct 27th Humor Page