Humor Selections for November 5th, 2008

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Little Known Facts You Can Live Without

Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?

A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters and half dollars have notches, while pennies and nickels do not?

A: The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals Dimes, quarters and half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren't notched because the metals they contain are not valuable enough to shave..

Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?

A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

Q: Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?

A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?

A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?

A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would then just touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

Q: Why are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?

A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage 'in the limelight' were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.

Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use 'mayday'as their call for help?

A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -meaning 'help me' -- and is pronounced 'mayday,'

Q: Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?

A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares..

Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?

A: In France , where tennis first became popular, a big, round zero on scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US , Americans pronounced it 'love.'

Q: In golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?

A: When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl (for education & survival), Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot game 'golf.' So he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into 'caddie.'

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.

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Recent Quotes from Late Night

"Just one week left to go in this election. It's amazing, isn't it? To give you an idea, do you realize that when this whole thing started, John McCain was just 47 years old?" --Jay Leno

"And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most campaign speeches given in one day. He gave 21 speeches in one day. Of course, we have to take his word for it, because of course, there are no witnesses." --Jay Leno

"Well, political experts say that John McCain’s only chance of winning the presidential election next week is to attract swing voters. Unfortunately, McCain thinks swing voters are people who listen to Glenn Miller." --Conan O'Brien

"John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah Palin is already driving McCain around to look at assisted living facilities." --Jay Leno

"But they say that McCain insiders are calling Sarah Palin an out-of-touch diva. They say Palin has a quick temper and ignores her staff. It’s like I have a twin. --David Letterman

"The other day, a guy who played a game of basketball against Barack Obama said that Obama spent the whole game trash talking. He also said Obama’s trash talking is 'eloquent, high-minded, and inspirational.'" --Conan O'Brien

"With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000." --Jay Leno

"But they say Ahmadinejad is exhausted from overwork. And you know, thank God that will never happen to George Bush." --David Letterman

"Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate." --Stephen Colbert

"The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed." --Jay Leno

"By the way, if you want to get Hillary a gift, you can't go wrong with a gift certificate from Bed, Bath and Bitterness." --David Letterman

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Wifely quotes take 2

"In our house we don't spray and wipe, we pray and swipe."

Friend: "What's it like being a grandmother?"
"After all these years, I reckon I'm a qualified grad-mother, and I can tell my kids where they're going wrong."

"I see that world leaders are getting together to tackle the financial crisis," say I.
"Marx predicted it! 'Wankers of the world unite. You've nothing to lose but your chins!'"

After watching a political candidate during a debate: "Everyone's entitled to their ten minutes of lame."

At a dinner party: "Do you like counseling?"
"Oh, I love it! Now… tell me where have I gone wrong?"

Our youngest, then five, says to her mother, "what's wrong with dad?"
"He's in a bad mood."
"How do you know?"
"I saw him put it on this morning."

"Mum. I need a mobile phone. Please??"
"Sure. Use your father - he's mobile, and phony most of the time."

An acquaintance says "In Austria they say that if you hear a cuckoo you should jiggle the change in your pocket and it will increase."
"Ah… there's a cuckoo clock in our bank. Must save them having to add interest."

Me: "I see the experts are saying we're headed for a recession."
"Boy, are they ever overqualified."
"Even the paper boy knows that."

"I'm worried about your son." (MY son? A sure sign that things are really bad)
"Oh? Why?"
"He's a bedophile."

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Newspaper Headlines with Double Meanings

  • March Planned For Next August
  • L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
  • Patient at Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
  • Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  • Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

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How a poor choice for a best man can really ruin a wending  ... Download Video

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!

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Redneck Bumper Sticker







Submited by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Nov 3rd humor Page