Humor Selections for July 30th, 2008

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at:

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple...

... and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"

God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."

So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"

"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"

"I did that Adam so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"

"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Men, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Hillbilly Medical Terms
  • Benign - What you be after you be eight
  • Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
  • Barium - What you do with dead folks
  • Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome
  • Catscan - Searching for the cat
  • Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
  • Colic - A sheep dog
  • Coma - A punctuation mark
  • D&C - Where Washington is
  • Dilate - To live longer than your kids do
  • Enema - Not a friend
  • Fester - Quicker than someone else
  • Fibula - A small lie
  • GI Series - World Series of military baseball
  • Hangnail - What you hang your coat on
  • Hospital - The biggest building in town, other than Joe's feed warehouse, or Franks lumber mill
  • Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
  • Morbid - A higher offer than I bid
  • Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake
  • Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates
  • Node - I knew it
  • Outpatient - A person who has fainted
  • Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
  • Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
  • Post Operative - A letter carrier
  • Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
  • Secretion - Hiding something
  • Seizure - Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section
  • Tablet - A small table to change babies on
  • Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the train station
  • Tumor - More than one
  • Urine - Opposite of mine
  • Varicose - Near by

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!

Return to: Top of Page, List of Redneck Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

A West Virginia farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm ...

... and knocked at the door. A young boy about 9 years old opened the door.

'Is yer Dad home?' the farmer asked. 'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'

'Well,' said the farmer, 'is yer Mom here?'

'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'

'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'

'He went with Mom and Dad.'

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely. 'I know where all the tools are if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'

'Well,' said the farmer uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your Brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, Pregnant.'

The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that' he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Redneck Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Yo momma's so fat ...
  • she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
  • when we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas
  • when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
  • the whale from Free Willy freed her
  • the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
  • when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
  • when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock
  • when she bends over we miss 2 days of sunlight
  • when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate
  • at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
  • when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.
  • when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
  • when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
  • and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
  • she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.
  • when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
  • she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
  • her car is made of spandex.
  • we're inside her right now.
  • she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
  • one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
  • when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
  • if she were an aeroplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.
  • one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
  • Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
  • when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
  • she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
  • Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
  • all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.
  • she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
  • I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
  • when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
  • when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.
  • Yo mama' so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
  • they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
  • she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
  • when she dances, she makes the band skip.
  • the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
  • when she works at the movie theatre, she works as the screen.
  • when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
  • her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
  • all the restaurants in town have signs that say:
  • "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
  • when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
  • instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
  • instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
  • when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
  • all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
  • when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
  • she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
  • she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
  • a picture of her fell off the wall!
  • her picture takes two frames.
  • when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
  • she could sell shade.
  • her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
  • when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
  • she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
  • her belly button's got an echo.
  • they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.
  • she roller-skates on busses.
  • she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
  • she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.
  • she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
  • she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.
  • that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
  • when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.
  • when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.
  • when she stands up the sun goes out.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

Return to: Top of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all my life and my mom always said it is the best. Now that I am in my sixties, I love it even more. About a month ago I spilled red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate, uncaring husband belittled me for being clumsy and he even mentioned that I was becoming a pain in the ass at parties and generally getting to him. One thing led to another and wouldn't you know it, I ended up with blood on my blouse. I reached for my trusty bottle of Tide and within a couple of wash cycles there was no trace of blood or wine!

Later, when the detectives told me that I was no longer a suspect in my husbands disappearance due to the DNA tests, I felt compelled to write you this note of gratitude. Going through menopause is bad enough without a murder rap hanging over your head. Thanks so much ... gotta run ... must write to those Hefty Bag people, they have an excellent product too.

Mable Barkmore

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Marriage, My Little Sister's Jokes,

If this does not make you jump, nothing will! - Download Video

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

This is what a bad day looks like:

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

July 28th Humor Page