Humor Selections for Jan 9th, 2008

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A man owned a small farm in Iowa...

The Iowa State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper

wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years".

"I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board".

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board".

"Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here".

"He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night".

"He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl

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A man walks to the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street in London...

... during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi straight away.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says: "Perfect timing. You're just like Stevie"

"Who?" says the man.

"Stevie Jones. He was a guy who did everything right. Like my taxi being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened for Stevie."

"Well no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody," the man replies.

"Not Stevie," says cabbie. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have turned professional at golf or tennis and he danced like a West End star. He was handsome and sophisticated, more than George Clooney. He had a better body than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. He was something!"

"Somehow Stevie just new exactly how to make women happy," the cabbie continues.

"He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him!" says the man.

"I never actually met Stevie," admits cabbie.

"Then how do you know so much about him?" asks the man.

"After he died I married his wife."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.

The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

Also submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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From time to time, people tell me "lighten up, it's just a horse...,"

... or, "that's a lot of money for just a horse".

They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, of the costs involved for "just a horse". Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a horse".

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a horse," but I did not once feel slighted. Even some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a horse", but in those days of darkness, I quickly find the gentle touch of "just a horse" who then gives comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a horse", then you probably understand phrases like "just a friend", "just a sunrise", or "just a promise". "Just a horse" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a horse" brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person. Because of "just a horse" I will rise early, take on the day and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a horse"but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. "Just a horse" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday thay can understand that it's not "just a horse" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a woman".

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a horse" just smile, because they "just" dont understand.

Submitted by Linda, Thurmont, Md.

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I always heard the term "funny car" but now I think I've finally seen one.

At first glance this car looked o.k. then I blinked. I am beginning to doubt my sanity. It is, it isn't. I am going to forward this to you, going to bed and hope I do not have a nightmare.


Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.

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