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| A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff.
He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became to much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop.
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway, and tied it
to his bumper. He then tied the other end to the bike and told the rider that he would drive slow.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.
A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed ahead to the another officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.
He then relayed, "...and you're not going to believe this, but there's a guy on a 10 speed bike yelling to pass."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Why Guys Can't Win
- If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
- If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
- If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
- If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
- If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
- If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a control freak.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
- If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's manipulation.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
- If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're self-centered.
If you don't, you're a slob.
- If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
- If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
- If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, PA.
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A stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug.
"Don't worry," the gruff-looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too."
"Well, that's a relief," sighed the stockbroker. "I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading. How 'bout you?"
"Oh nothing fancy like that for me," grinned the convict. "I killed two priests."Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.
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| The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious...
..., potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload
Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the
nearest grocery store and purchase one or both
of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been
completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is
controlling your life.
Submitted by Mary Jo, Emmitsburg, Md.
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| A Redneck student was visiting a Yankee relative ...
He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"
The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.
The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"
Also submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful Diamond bracelet...
... and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism,
the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely
bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to crap when I tell you the price.
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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Power Windows... Download Video Submitted by Former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed.
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The Cruelest Form of Eye Tests for Old Geezers...
 Also submitted by by Former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed. |
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Jan 16th Humor Page
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