Humor Selections for Feb 22nd, 2008

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New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall

In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them somehow.

With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people. With this in mind he went to the local TV station.

The farmer said, "I would like to purchase a minute or two during the Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red beans..."

The sales manager said, "Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?"

The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly, "I'd be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks."

"$300?" the manager yelled, "You must be out of your mind!!! The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS of dollars to reach the audience!"

The farmer very evenly replied, "I'm sure that's right. But those people are out for blood! I'm just farting around."

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, MD.

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A new retiree greeter at Walmart just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. 'Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite


'Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.'

'Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?'

'They said, 'Good morning, General.'

Also submitted by Bob, Rockville, MD.

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As a Grandmom, we all know our wonderful grandchildren turn into brats...

... as soon as their parents walk into the area/room.

I had my three girls playing out front of my house on the beach area. There are only two real rules when Grandmom is watching them: Life Jackets, and No Throwing Sand.

We out most of the afternoon, the four of us, had a tea party on the beach, built a castle, dug some holes, real nice day. Then two moms show upÖ.

Well Mom #1 came to get Child #1, Julia (3 Ĺ years old), she picked up some toys, cried, but had to go home.

Mom #2 came down to the beach, (she wasnít leaving as they live with us). Child #2, Domenique (3 yrs old), grabs up a shovel and throws sand onto Child #3 Kaleigh (5 yrs old). Within minutes of mom being on the beach.

Mom takes Domenique off the beach and tells her she has to apologize to her cousin, and of course there is a big "NO".

Well, really long story: as it takes 5 hours to get to the next part, but Domenique has now had: no more beach time, all out side toys taken away, out side shower taken away, she had to have a bath inside, while Grandmom and Kaleigh had an out side shower. No cartoons, no shows, no DVD, and finally no TV at all. Then no babies, (as she has two that are her "children") they had to go to bed, and she could not play with them, then no toys in the house, and at each interval she was told to apologize to her cousin. And even though she is crying, and begging to (what ever it was to do/play), she would not apologize. It is now getting close to 7:00 and mom #3 is coming to pick up child #3, Kaleigh.

So Kaleigh and Grandmom are sitting on the couch, reading a story. Domenique starts to come closer so see can see and hear also, but her mom caught her, and asked if she was going to apologize yet, and Domenique starts crying, but shakes her head no. So her mother tells her that she can not listen to the story either, and takes her out side. Well, a few minutes later, Domenique comes in, and her face is red, her cheeks a molden, her nose is redder, and running, and she crying; but she comes up to me and says "Grandmom, I have to talk to my cousin, Kaleigh, please." So I ask Kaleigh if she would like to talk to Domenique, and she says yes, Now: and this you canít make up the three year old child says "Kaleigh, Iím very sorry that you were standing where I was putting the sand."

Submitted by Lyndal, Middletown, De.

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One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they put money in her underwear." Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your mother?" ;

"No," the boy said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK

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How not to thaw your car door lock - Download Video

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, FL

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Irish Entrance Exam ...Can you solve this within 1 minute?


Click here for the answer

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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