Humor Selections for August 22nd, 2008


     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


 
Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'

Submitted by Jim, Gettysburg, PA.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Redneck Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,


A man charges into a bank wearing a ski mask and wielding a handgun.

He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor !!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his ski mask. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
 
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. 'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
 
There is silence for a few seconds before an elderly male voice is heard from a distant corner..
 
'I think my wife caught a glimpse....'

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, MD.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Marriage, My Little Sister's Jokes,


A duck hunter needed a new bird dog, so he found a dog that could actually walk on water...

... to retrieve the duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a true pessimist and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but didn't say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything funny about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim!"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

Return to: Top of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Bill and Steve are discussing the possibility of love.

"I thought I was in love three times," Bill says.

"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"

"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.

"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.

"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.

"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."

"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.

"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, PA
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Women, My Little Sister's Jokes,


You Know You've Booked a Cheap Flight When?

  • As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt.
  • The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.
  • The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.
  • The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear
  • A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O.
  • A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.
  • Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
  • A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.
  • A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.

Submitted by Bruce, Carol Stream, Illinois
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Humorous Sayings, My Little Sister's Jokes,


This is why you don't show off!  Download Video

Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Another Dream Shattered

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Jim

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,


August 20th Humor Page