I placed the following phone call to the bank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

Bank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Bank:" Do I think God... excuse me, what did you say?"

Me: "Do you understand what I was telling you... specifically the part about her being... dead?"

Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Bank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew, but feel free to contact her lawyer at: XXX"

Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure."

( Later, After they have gotten the fax. )

Bank: "Our system just isn't set up to handle this..."

Me: "Oh..."

Bank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

Bank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Bank: "That might help."

Me: "Fredrickson Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 19 and plot number 233."

Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "Yes sir, that's what we do with our departed loved ones."

• Canula (n): Enquiry about Doctor's singing ability
• Incontinent (v): To be in France or Germany
• Emergency Room (n) : Where things come out.
• Stethescope (n): Like a telescope, but for listening to small sounds.
• Fracture (n): A branch of mathematics
• Corn (v): Left. Not here.
• Fistula (n): An Irish salute
• Intern (adv): Queuing
• Morgue (adv): Faster acceleration
• Heparin (adv):The operation can start (note: heps are Irish anaesthetics)
• Triage (adj): More than two years old.
• Blood type (n): Family member
• Blister (n) Term of invective (Note: a contraction of bl….(S)ister)
• Injection (v): Abrupt comment
• Longitudinal study (adv): Reading in bed
• Rash (v): Hurry
• Abscess (n): In charge of a nunnery
• Nurses station (n): Where they go to catch the train
• Doctor's Lounge (comment): but not when they're operating
• Lungs (adv): Distance or time estimate. (As in 'how lungs it?')
• Communicable disease (n): Condition that tells you what it is before you see it.
• Kidney (excl): Disbelief. (As in 'you're kidney')
• Registrar (n): Voice range (note: often used in conjuntion with canula (qv))
• Varicose (adv): Not far
• Tinnitus (n): Sixpack
• Infirmary (n): Privatised medicine

• Why is abbreviated such a long word?
• Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?
• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
• Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
• Why do they call it a building? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a built?
• Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• If price and worth mean the same thing, why priceless and worthless are opposites?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?

It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer!!  His Name is Zonkey!!!!!!!