Humor Selections for Feb 5th, 2007

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A very self-important college freshman took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen ...

... sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually almost a primitive one", he said in a voice loud enough for many nearby to hear. "We, the young people of today, grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, men walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited mars, we have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and…" he paused to take another swig of beer…

Which the senior citizen took advantage of to say, "You know, son, you're right. We didn't have those things when we were young… so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little fart, what are YOU doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding.

I love senior citizens.

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by ...

... the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers ....

This one is for everyone who ...

a) has kids, b) had kids, c) was a kid, d) knows a kid, e) is going to have kids.

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them. I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

Submitted by Ed, former Mayor of Emmitsburg, Baltimore, Md.

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You know you're from Pittsburgh if you understand these phrases ... Take 6
  • Summina Something to. Do yinz wanna get summina eat? (Submitted by Brian Daugherty, Oakmont)
  • Takin' da Brahns to da Super Bowl. Defecating. "Hey, wucha doin' in dere!?" "I'm takin' da Brahns to da Super Bowl." (Submitted by Jason, Butler, PA)
  • That's it, Fort Pitt That's right or it's all over. This comes from an old advertising slogan for Fort Pitt beer. (Submitted by Jeff Tuckfelt , Falls Church, VA)
  • The fact of the matter is... A wordy expression that attempts to make the speaker apppear knowledgable and articulate. (Submitted by George Hickman, Greensburg)
  • These unz or Those unz These and Those. (Submitted by Delana Nives, Columbia, SC)
  • Took a heart attack Had a heart attack. (Submitted by Carla J. MacMullen, New Haven, CT)
  • Tsgadahntahn Let's go downtown. Tsgadahntahn en clahnarahn! (Submitted by Charles R. Altman, Shadyside)
  • Umina I am going to/I'm gonna. Umina break some fingers da next time I catch you with my woman. (Submitted by Drax Felton, Hopewell Township)
  • Up Mike's in dahn Jake's Response to the question "Where ya goone". If you're headed no where in particular or it's none of the person's business (this may be unique to the Clairton/Jefferson area). (Submitted by Traci Bair, Boston, MA)
  • Up Under Where to find something you're looking for. Where are my shoes? Up under the bed. (Submitted by Patrick Allen, Wallingford, CT)
  • Up air Up there. Opposite of down. "The incline goes up air." (Submitted by Marcy McAninch, Gainsville, FL)
  • Upagin Against. Where should I put da rake?... Lean it upagin da wall in da graaj. (Submitted by Joyce Overly, Gastonia, NC)
  • Usetto be A phrase used when giving directions. Make a left where the ____ usetto be. This phrase is always followed by a "Yinz can't miss it" even though it is no longer there. (Submitted by Robert Angevine, Pittsburgh)
  • Wach a Stillers The traditional monday morning greeting asking whether or not you watched the Steelers win. (Submitted by Dan Konnen, Slippery Rock University)
  • Wachatice Watch out for that ice. Wachatice, it's slippy there. (Submitted by Kevin Rogers, Florida)
  • Waidon Wait for. I waidon you fer an ahr. (Submitted by Bob Crispen, Decatur, AL)
  • Walleye erd Well I heard. Walleye erd yinz wuz goin dahn nere en pants en at. (Submitted by Brian McCandless, Vanderbilt)
  • Whaddyagittinat? What are you getting at. (Submitted by Jamie Kloos, Cory, PA)
  • What the cobb What happened. What the cobb went on in here yinz two? (Submitted by Dan DeWoody, Orlando Florida)
  • What-r What are. What-r yens doin? (Submitted by Missy, Pittsburgh)
  • Whatchadoind'day What are you doing today. You call up you friend and say "whatchadoind'day" normal response "I dunno" (Submitted by Ed, Pittsburgh)
  • Whona Who in the. Whona world ate my tater chips? (Submitted by Gloria Laugherty, Connellsville)
  • Wir We are. Wir goin dahnna ragada. (Submitted by Chris McKim, Ephrata, PA)
  • Wir Uh Family We Are Family. The Pittsburgh rally song by Sister Sledge (Submitted by Jeff Johnson, Ulysses, NE)
  • Wutzername What is her name. I jes seen wutzername dahntahn. (Submitted by Ralph Gutowski, Oxford, OH)
  • Ya Gatta Ragatta! Go to the Pittsburgh Ragatta. (Submitted by Carissa Nolla, Pittsburgh)
  • Ya' gotsta You have to. (Submitted by J.R., Pittsburgh)
  • Ya-hunh Oh, but indeed it is!. Used only as a response. "Nuh-uh!" "Ya-hunh!" (Submitted by Ellen Stolpe, Morningside)
  • Yabbut Yes, but. To qualify a statement. "Goin' dahntahn? Yabbut I ain't gonna stay late." (Submitted by Abi Gallagher, North Hills)
  • Yabyinat (Are) you buying that?. When you're with your friends at the store you may ask "Hey donnie, are yabyinat?" (Submitted by Robert Faust, Carnegie)
  • Yagottabekidden You have got to be kidding. Yagottabekidden, if you think I can learn to talk like you now! (Submitted by LueAnn Cavanaugh Grosdidier, San Diego Ca, from Pgh.)
  • Yagottaseediss You have to see this. Yagottaseediss web site! Checkitaht! (Submitted by Regis Kirby, Brighton Heights)
  • Yainga bleevis You aren't going to believe this. (Submitted by Dave Applegate, Baden, by Cahnway, yuno, by Nortelights Shopin Cenner)
  • Yan-to You want to. Yan-to watch dem stillers? (Submitted by Tia Piazza, Southview, PA)
  • Yel'low Yeah, hello. Phrase used to answer the tawlfone. (Submitted by Sue Reed, Brooklyn, MI)
  • Yer-in-yer-aht! You are in, and then, you are out.. Phrase made popular by Myron Cope in radio advertisement for convenience store. (Submitted by Kim Burke, Washington, DC)
  • Yizzel You will. Yizzle hafta waid onnat pizza; Dey just turned onny oven. (Submitted by Bob Crispen, Decatur, AL)
  • Yo Ho On In the 40's-50's, when you called your buddy, you wouldn't dare knock on the door. His mother would hit you with a broom. So, you stood out on the street and yelled, "Yo HO On Joey," until he came out or his mother chased you away. (Submitted by Budd Corr, Pittsburgh)
  • You kids are driving me to Dixmont You're making me crazy. (Submitted by Jim Tripodi, Beaver)
  • Yoy, yoy, double yoy! Famous phrase by (Steeler sportscaster) Myron Cope. (Submitted by Bob Pavlakovic, East Pittsburgh)

Submitted by Dory, Pittsburgh, Pa.

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Runner up for Man of the Year

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Feb 2nd Humor Page