Humor Selections for August 8th, 2007

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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Actual call center conversations!

Customer: "I've been calling 7001000 for two days and can't get through; can" you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business." Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

RAC Moto ring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?"
Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?"

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe): "If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Directory Enquiries Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label Woven in Scotland."

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."

Tech Support: "I need you to rightclick on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a popup menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right Click again. Do you see a popup menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" C
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed Houck

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Troy had finally made it to his doctor's office for a long overdue appointment.

"Well, Troy," the scowling doctor said, "I see you're well over a month late for your appointment. Don't you realize that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention. What's your excuse?"

"I was simply following your orders, Doc," Troy replied.

"Following my orders?" the confused doctor said. "What are you going on about? I gave you no such order."

"You told me to avoid people who irritate me," explained Troy.

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, MD.

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Recently seen bumper stickers ...
  • If You Can't Feed Em, Don't Breed Em!
  • Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
  • If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
  • The Earth Is Full - Go Home. I Have
  • The Body Of A God - Buddha.
  • Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
  • If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
  • Illiterate? Write For Help.
  • Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
  •  I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
  • I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
  • Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
  • (Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
  • Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Also Are Timed For 70 mph
  •  Ax Me About Ebonics.
  • Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
  • Boldly Going Nowhere.
  • Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
  • Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
  • All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.

And Finally

  • Politicians & Diapers Both Need to Be Changed Often, and for the Same Reason

Also Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed Houck

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Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Shreveport, La., refinery.

A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the manager.? Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."

Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job?? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana and me being a Southern boy, I should get the job!"

The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but, rather, on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied: "Bubba, it's like this. On question No.4 the Yankee put down; "I don't know. "You put down, "Neither do I."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client:

"Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."

"Fair to both us!" exploded Mrs. LaMay. "I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?"

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, MD.

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Lightning hitting the USS H. S. Truman (CVN-75)

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, FL

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Aug 3rd Humor Page