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Two aussie guys are walking along a
river bank when they come across a group of people ...
...
watching a man immerse some of them in the river.
Spying them, the man calls out " Hey, brothers,
come on down. I'm baptizing sinners, washing away their sin, just as the
word says. Come on down, you'll find Jesus, you'll be saved!"
"What d'you reckon?" one asks the other.
"Yeah, well, it probably can't hurt, 'n it's a
hot day an all, a dip in the river sounds good." So he goes on down and
is soon being immersed.
As he comes up the preacher says, "Hallelujah!
Have you found Jesus!?"
"No", replies the aussie, so he's dunked again.
"Have you found Jesus now?" asks the reverend
excitedly.
"Nope, not yet," replies the guy, and a third
time he goes down.
This time he's under the water for quite a
while, and when his head bobs up the same question is asked. "Well, have
you found him this time?"
"No, I haven't. Are you sure this is where he
fell in?"
Submitted by Lindsay,
Melbourne, Australia
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A young doctor moved out to a small
community to replace the aging doctor there.
The older doctor suggested that the
younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the
people of the community could become accustomed to him. At the first
house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older
doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and
the latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor
asked his patient how she had been feeling. "I've been a little sick to
my stomach," she replied.
"Well," said the older physician,
"you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why
don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that
helps."
As they left the house, the
younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so
quickly. "You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor
stated.
"I didn't have to," the elder
physician explain. "You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in
there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed
a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has
been making her ill."
"That's pretty sneaky," commented
the younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it at the next house?"
"I don't suppose it could hurt
anything," the elder physician replied.
At the next house, the two
doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes
discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had
been feeling lately.
"I've felt terribly run down
lately," the widow replied. "I just don't have as much energy as I used
to."
"You've probably been doing too
much work for the church," the younger doctor suggested without even
examining his patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that
helps."
As they left, the elder physician
said, "Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how
you came to that conclusion?"
"Sure," replied the younger
doctor. "Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I
bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher
hiding under the bed!"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a
blonde gathering ... ... and
his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most
at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect
a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone
should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the
track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the
world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You
wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I
don't know much about history."
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Signs You've Chosen a "No Frills"
Airline
- They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
- All the insurance machines in the terminal
are sold out.
- Before the flight, the passengers get
together and elect a pilot.
- You cannot board the plane unless you have
the exact change.
- Before you took off, the stewardess tells you
to fasten your Velcro.
- The Captain asks all the passengers to chip
in a little for gas.
- When they pull the steps away, the plane
starts rocking.
- The Captain yells at the ground crew to get
the cows off the runway.
- You ask the Captain how often their planes
crash and he says, "Just once."
- No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps
flashing before your eyes.
- You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding
to be let off the plane.
- All the planes have both a bathroom and a
chapel.
Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY
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A bird gift ...
Download Video
Also Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY
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Last day on the job ...
Submitted by Bill,
Ardmore, Pa.
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Nov
8 Humor Page
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