Castro went on: "They say I'm intervening in Mozambique..." and the same loud voice shouted, "Peanuts! Popcorn!

Castro continued: "They say I'm intervening in Nicaragua..." and the voice yelled again, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

By this time Castro was boiling mad and he sputtered, "Bring that man who is shouting 'Peanuts! Popcorn!' to me, and I'll kick him all the way to Miami."

And everybody in the audience started shouting, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

• Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
• Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
• Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?
• If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four North Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Elbert Toombs has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr.Toombs have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Zimbrowski, Wal-Mart Complaint Department

MEMO

Re: Mr. Elbert Toombs - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Toombs has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

• June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
• July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
• July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
• July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
• August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
• September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
• September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
• September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
• October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
• November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
• December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
• December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
• December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
• December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

• December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

"What?" said the other, astounded. "You're always on about God being black and all, so how could his first creation be anything else?"

"Well, you know when the snake offered Eve the apple?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, if they'd a been black they'd have eaten the snake, not the apple."

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.

And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.