Humor Selections for January 9, 2006

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A group of American tourists were taking a coach tour through England.

They passed a large field in which a young lad was digging, and the scene was so picturesque that the loudest, most talkative member of the party - a Texan, who else - shouted out, "Stop the bus. Stop the bus. I gotta get that picture, it's so British."

After objections from the driver, he prevailed and got out, walked over to the fence with his camera and shouted out to the boy, "Say, son, what your 'doin there?"

"Diggin potatoes," came the reply.

"Son, come down here and I'll take your photo. This is so good, the folks back home will love you."

So the boy walked down, carrying the sack he's been putting the potatoes in. His photo taken, the Texan said "what you got in the sack, son?"


"Show me one. I love potatoes."

So he pulled one out and handed it over. "You call that a potato?" the Texan asked incredulously. "Back home, we grow 'em three times as big. Great food for the mouth."

"Well, sir," replied the lad, "We too grow them just right size for our mouths."

Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia

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A stunning young blonde girl is jogging along the beach ...

A mile or so down the beach jogging in the opposite direction is a young guy wearing just jogging shorts. As he is jogging, in the distance his eye catches a glimpse of something on the sand.

As he jogs further he sees it's yellow. He gets closer and closer and discovers it's a tennis ball. He stops, picks it up and discovers that it is a new tennis ball. He thinks, hey a wind fall. He doesn't want to carry it and having no pockets he just stuffs it down his shorts and continues jogging.

A short while later as the girl jogging in the opposite directions draws closer, from a distance she can see the bulge in his shorts. She gets to within twenty feet and stops dead in her tracks and stares at his crotch fascinated. When the guy is just in front of her he sees she is staring at his crotch so he stops. She points at the bulge in his crotch and exclaims, "What's that!"

He says, "It's a tennis ball"

She replies... "Geez, I bet that's painful, I had tennis elbow once and that really hurt like hell!"

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Truths that my son has said in his life thus far:

At age 5 my oldest son proceeded to inform his grandmother that we as a family will never come to visit again as Daddy thinks that the only excitement you get here is when the school bus opens and closes its doors.
At age 6, when his older brother got caught taking candy at the local store. 'Mommy how old is Chris?" I answered and said "10 years old why?".
My child then promptly looked very serious and said to his dad "Daddy I know I 10 year old that got caught shop lifting today". 
The looks shared between brothers was priceless.
At age 8
I got a speeding ticket while on vacation with him and my sister. At dinner my darling child proceeds to say "Daddy, what is that piece of paper the police give you on the highway called?".  My husband was confused as I had not gotten the bill as it was out of state and I did not have the amount I had to pay so I had not told him yet. My husband explained that the piece of paper was called a ticket. My son went on to inform him that "You know that when Mommy, Auntie and I went to see Grandma that Mommy got one and when you see how much it cost you'll blow your top. Daddy, when you blow your top will your hair come back?"
When he was 9
Told me that Daddy and he while in our new car, almost had a car accident as Daddy saw a short skirt on long legs and did not see the stop sign. That Daddy missed a garbage truck  by a few inches but that I did need to do the laundry as Daddy peed his pants.
My son is 22 years old now, and I can not wait till he has children so I can tell on him.

Submitted by Terri, Now Then, MN

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Shopping in Detroit ... Download Video (Make sure your turn the sound up!)

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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