Humor Selections for April 7th, 2006


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A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night ..

... when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied.

"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing".

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" to which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red, knows rain, dear".

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco.

It had been burglarised several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.

Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the dogs he could see were Pekingese.

"Excuse me", Sam said to the manager, "But the sign outside says you sell guard dogs. Where are they?"

The manager, an elderly Chinese, replied, "Oh, but these are highly trained guard dogs. They all know karate."

"Karate! No way."

"I'll show you", said the shop owner. He took one of the Pekingese out to the backyard and put it in front of a brick. The dog stood absolutely still. The shopkeeper gave a command, "Karate! Brick!"

And with complete astonishment, Sam saw the little dog perform a perfect karate chop, splitting the brick in half. Totally amazed, he bought the dog. Back at his own store, he showed the guard dog Pekingese to George, who thought he was completely mad and told him to return the Pekingese immediately.

"But, he is a trained guard dog."

"Yeah, sure!"

Sam put the Pekingese on the floor and said, "He knows karate!!"

With a sneer George retorted, "Karate! My Foot!"

Also Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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Word Scrabble ...
  • DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
  • PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
  • ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
  • DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
  • THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
  • GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
  • THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
  • SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
  • ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
  • ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: L IES - LET'S RECOUNT
  • SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
  • A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
  • THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
  • ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
  • AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
  • MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
 

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Greatest ever movie line - if you are a Republican that is!  Download Video

Submitted by Alex, Kalispell, Mt.
 

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This picture is worth 10,000 of them ...

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Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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April 5th Humor Page