Humor Selections for September 7th, 2005

     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

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Best out of office auto replies
  • I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
  • You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
  • I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
  • Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
  • The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
  • Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
  •  I've run away to join a different circus.

And, Finally, this One Takes the Cake:

  • I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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The airport controller at LA received an emergency call from an incoming plane.

"Mayday, mayday, have to land immediately, have 500 Texans on board, mayday, mayday."
The controller radios back "500?! Impossible your plane has a max of 150. What's going on?"

"It's true. You got to let us down now."

So, he gives the plane priority and soon it's taxiing to a stop. The ladder descends, and out troop these tiny men, all 500 of them. The airport staff can't believe their eyes. "What on earth have you got there,?" asks one.

"500 Texans."

"You're kidding."

"Nope, we let the air of them out first."

Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia

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Two groups of women, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes ...

... charter a double-decker bus for a week long trip throughout Arizona. The Grand Canyon, Painted Desert, Sedona, Lake Powell, and much more are on the itinerary.

The Brunettes ride on the bottom of the bus. The Blondes ride on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to get up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes paralyzed in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes look up at her, swallows hard and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Submitted by Audrey, Emmitsburg, Md.

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If we could replace gas prices with words ...


Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.

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