Humor Selections for November 4, 2005

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Some of the Odd Things about Living in the 21st Century
  • Half-yearly sales happen every week.
  • A labour-saving device means you have to labour even harder to pay for it.
  • Getting home sooner to use the thing that gives you more leisure time cuts hours in a day to 20.
  • It's easier to identify someone by their voice than their looks.
  • Loneliness is a power failure.
  • Going out of business can be a mark of success.
  • Carefree travelling is now one of the scariest things we can do.
  • We learn more and more about less and less, then learn less and less about more and more till we know nothing about everything and everything about nothing. But our opinions are totally informed.
  • There are more and more items to choose from on which our life doesn't depend, and fewer and fewer that do.
  • Saving money by spending it is the second classic oxymoron.
  • That democracy is social equality is the first.
  • We're more aware that certain people will try to manipulate our outlook, but don't care if they succeed.
  • We can communicate with practically anyone on earth - except ourselves.
  • The smaller the world gets, the more we shut it out.
  • And the oddest thing of all is that real love still flourishes.

Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia.

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The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then ...

... but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.

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A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon.

He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

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The Mayor of New Orleans denied rumors that Mardi Gras will be cancelled....

... He said he expects a record number of floats this year.

  • Five black men in purple dinner jackets and bow ties were found floating today under a pier in New Orleans. DNA tests later identified them as The Drifters. Rumor has it that they were under the boardwalk, down by the sea.
  • Eric Burden and The Animals are re-releasing their earlier hit, which begins, "There was a house in New Orleans..."
  • Two plane loads of volunteers left Detroit, Michigan, today, bound for New Orleans to assist in the looting.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, MD.

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Good Dog ... yet another good Bud-lite video  Download video

Submitted by Katie

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When cloning goes bad take 6


Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, MD.

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