Humor Additions for July 22nd 2005

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The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look !" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less."

"And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Pranks at the Office Take 2:
  • Staple every unimportant paper on their desk together.
  • If your target has a computer, reposition the monitor everyday.
  • Fill an empty white out bottle with milk and replace it with your co-workers.
  • If computer has speakers turn the volume all way up or way down depending on your mood.
  • Taping down the switch hook buttons on a phone gets some interesting reactions. When the mark answers the phone keeps ringing.
  • Program the mark's phone to forward to the office paging system -Ask, "ARE YOU GETTING FIRED? WELL, THAT'S THE RUMOR."
  • Does your coworker have fish in the office? Take the fish and leave a ransom note.
  • Pull the labeled buttons off of their phone and rearrange the order and put them back on their phone. When they come back, call them from your desk and watch them struggle to answer.
  • Put transparent tape over the read out of a calculator. It makes the numbers blurry.
  • By a package of approximately 200 of those little paper bathroom cups and neatly arrange them all over the subjects desk. Then staple them all together and fill them with water. See how long it takes them to figure out how to get rid of this set-up without spilling water all over their paperwork, files, computer, etc...
  • Does somebody smoke at work when they're not supposed to? Put Ambesol on the filter of their cigarettes. Watch as their lips and mouth go numb when they light up!
  • Get Valerian Root capsules (at health food stores) and when co-worker is away from desk, take his phone apart and open a capsule or two of Valerian Root in the mouthpiece then replace. Guaranteed to smell terrible!
  • At lunch, swap the worker's real food with look-a-like dog toys.
  • If someone is applying for a job, call them back and leave a wrong number. They go crazy for a while until you call them back apologizing.
  • Take some cellophane and open up the glue bottle. Put the cellophane across the opening, then close the bottle. Watch the victim try to squeeze glue out. They either open it up to check, or they squeeze to hard, breaking the cellophane and spraying glue everywhere.

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A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle . . .

. . . when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawnmower.

"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I'm just trying to make enough money to buy a bicycle," said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

The boy said, "You got a deal."

The preacher took the mower and tried to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower.

The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."

The little boy said, "That's 'cause you have to cuss at it to get it started."

The preacher said, "I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't know if I even remember how to cuss."

The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that string. It'll come back to ya!"

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.

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See son ... This is why I save these bits ...


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