Humor Additions for February 9th 2005
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An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery ...

... and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,

if something happens to me ..

your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife..."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From A Cow
  • Wake up in a happy mooo-d. Don't cry over spilled milk
  • When chewing your cud, remember. . . There is no fat, no calories, no cholesterol and no taste!
  • The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
  • Turn the udder cheek
  • and mooo-ve on.
  • Seize every opportunity and milk it for all it's worth!
  • It's better to be seen and not herd.
  • Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.
  • Never take any bull from anybody.
  • Always let them know who's bossy!
  • Stepping on cow pies brings good luck.
  • Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.
  • Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

Submitted by Sandy, Germantown, Md.
 

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There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:
  1. 1. He called everyone "brother"
  2. 2. He liked Gospel
  3. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

  1. 1. He went into His Fathers business.
  2. 2. He lived at home until he was 33.
  3. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Italian:

  1. 1. He talked with his hands.
  2. 2. He had wine with every meal.
  3. 3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been a Californian:

  1. He never cut his hair.
  2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
  3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Irish:

  1. He never got married.
  2. He was always telling stories.
  3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus could have been a woman:

  1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
  2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
  3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up, because there was more work to do.

Submitted by Pastor Jon, Emmitsburg, Md.

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When Digital Photographers Get Bored take 4

Feb 7th Humor Page