A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen,
taxi-driver, of New York City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's
for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed!"
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Jokes, My Little
During the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon ...
all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which, is four."
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa
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Sayings, My Little
A truck driver
a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer . .
. .. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door
saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED--ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He
goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of
nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says
he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he
is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds,
and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy
walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with
twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too
long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun
and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said
not to worry, the nerds are over-populating Silicon Valley, and
are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So
the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and
heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an
accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and
computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees
a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all
engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest
clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what
happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting
away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol
officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at
him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I
thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure." said the patrolman, "But you can't
Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.
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When Digital Photographers Get Bored take 3
Feb 2nd Humor Page