Humor Additions for February 25th 2005


    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


 
A group of 4 to 8 Year-olds was asked "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone Could have imagined. See what you think:

  • "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all The time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8
  • When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
  • "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5
  • "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy -age 6
  • "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
  • "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
  • "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8
  • "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
  • "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
  • "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
  • "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
  • "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8
  • "My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6
  • "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5
  • "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
  • "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
  • "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
  • "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an imagination) Karen - age 7
  • "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6
  • "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8
  • The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

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I decided that I needed a few days off and I realized that I ran out of vacation time already.

I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a little crazy. I figured he'd think I was burning out and give me some time off.

I went into work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling.

Just then one of my coworkers (she's blonde...it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I was doing. "Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light bulb."

A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.

"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."

With that, I jumped down and started walking out. The blonde started following me and the Boss asked where she was going.

"I can't work in the dark," she said.

Submitted by Sandy, Germantown, MD.
 

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A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa ...

... taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story..

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.
 

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The Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt ...

 ... Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below:


 

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