Humor Additions for February 2nd 2005


    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


 
Life lessons my grandfather taught me ...
  • Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
  • Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
  • When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  • If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
  • On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
  • The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.
  • Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
  • Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  • The! older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
  • Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
  • How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
  • I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
  • One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
  • Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
  • Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
  • If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.

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It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation ...

asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.

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A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch ...

... when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Submitted by Jamie, Frederick, Md.

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