Humor Additions for September 15th 2004

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New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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A man was driving through Wyoming one spring evening. 

The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent.

As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised. Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump."

The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded.

There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again."

Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.

When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. "Large whiskey, please!" he said.

A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.

The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"

The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?"

"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know didly about cars".

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother ...

...  in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Submitted by Pastor Jon, Emmitsburg, MD.

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Asked of Librarians Dept ...
  • "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
  • "I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book, 'Waltzing through Grand Rapids.'" (Actual title wanted: "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.")
  • "Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her head, a sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!
  • "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?"
  • "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.

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The reason a dog has so many friends is it wags its tail instead of its tongue. --Anonymous
  • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence you are wonderful. --Ann Landers
  • If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. --Will Rogers
  • There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. --Ben Williams
  • A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. --Josh Billings
  • The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. --Andy Rooney
  • We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. --M. Acklam
  • Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. --Sigmund Freud
  • I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. --Rita Rudner
  • A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. --Robert Benchley
  • Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. --Franklin P. Jones
  • If I have a be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. --U

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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