A young man named John received a
parrot as a gift ...
The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's
attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft
music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at
the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up
his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and
kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a
peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the
parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you
with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I
can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the
bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made
such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I
ask what the turkey did?"
Submitted by Pat, Smith Lake, Va.
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of Page, Seasonal Joke List,
A man absolutely hated his wife's
cat and decided to get rid of him one day ...
by driving him 20 blocks from his home and
leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was
walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat
40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further
and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to
drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge,
then right again and another right until he reached what he
thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his
wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that
son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Submitted by Kate, Columbia, Md.
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Jokes about Animals, My Little
Humorous signs seen around the world:
- Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
- At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any Suitable food, give it to the guard on duty
- Doctors office, Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
- Hotel, Acapulco: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
- In a Nairobi restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
- On an Athi river highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
- On a poster at Kencom: Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.
- A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: Do not activate with wet hands.
- In a Pumwani maternity ward: No children allowed.
- In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
- Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed.
- Hotel elevator, Paris: Please leave your values at the front desk.
- Hotel, Yugoslavia: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
- Hotel, Japan: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
- An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
- A laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
- Afternoon having a good time
- Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
- Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
- Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
17th Humor Page